One Step At A Time
by Valexian rose
Summary: Everyone makes mistakes, but will Rey forgive him for one that hurt her so deeply she shut everyone out? Could Kylo truly learn what it is to feel regret, and make up for his past transgressions? Will she let him? (Previously: Cold)
1. Chapter 1

February, it was the end cap of winter and the birth of something new, something warm. Spring brought new life into the world, into the city that Rey had lived in for just over a year now. It was supposed to be the month of romance, of young couples falling in love, and the city recognized that with a burning passion such that there was a festival every year dedicated to the day of love.

A year ago, Rey would have been giddy at the thought, the bright reds, pinks and soft whites always made her happy, but not this year. This year, like the coming of spring, she was a new and different person, no longer so easily fascinated by the colors and kindness of others. Some would say she was hardened, refined not to be as gullible as she once had been.

The reason had happened long ago, she put her trust in someone and they took that trust and threw it to the wind like it meant nothing. They hurt her, deeply, and she changed as to never let it happen again.

None of that mattered anymore, Rey was a very successful and very independent person, brilliant in the mind and resilient in the body. Her occupations said as much, by day, she worked for an important local government firm that aided those in need and established places of living and demolished those that had been unfit to live in, it was a very rewarding profession. By night, Rey was a personal trainer for some of the most elite ring fighters in the world, and even had the honor of training and rehabilitating those fighting the good fight in the war.

Every morning started the same way now, just like this one, Rey awoke to the soft beeping of her alarm on her dresser across the room, the sunlight from the early morning just peeking into her drapes of her apartment. Her eyes squinting at the light before a soft smile touched her face, she would rise from her cream and grey colored sheets and briskly wander into her shower. The sun would be up and shining by the time she was dry in a towel, her hazel eyes glinting in the yellow glow.

Work attire was the same standard, though not required, she liked the professional feel of her grey pencil skirt and white blouse, she rolled her hair up into a bun, chocolate locks just long enough to stay put. She donned her trench coat as she entered the kitchen, barefooted against the wood of her apartment, the glass cool and allowing the chilled winter air to enter her home.

Breakfast was the usual, bagel with cream cheese and strawberries, a favorite she inherited from her boss. Once the dishes were in the wash and the clock read 6:40, she was out the door and down the 3 flights of stairs in her kitten heeled shoes.

She'd walk to work if she didn't live so far, so it was a taxi for her until she could decide on a car or bike. The drive was nice, and usually 10 minutes or so to the coffee shop beside her workplace, where as per her routine, she would pick up a tall black coffee, a salted caramel frappacino, vanilla bean late, and her very own, hot chocolate. This was for her respective co workers, and often times, not unlike today, she was early enough to get the free bag of doughnut holes. From there, she would march a block with her duffel bag over her shoulder with a tray and bag of sweets in her hands.

Her work place was an imitation corporate building, the first floor was brick and marble, the rest was the more affordable steel and glass. The doors were all tinted glass and spotless, baring the symbol of the local government, she marched in like all other mornings and greeted those that had meetings with her boss or visitors new to the city looking for directions. Her desk was waiting for her, clean and organized in her own way, her co worker was already waiting for her.

Rey shot them a smile, the dark mop of hair that fell over his face needed some grooming, his jaw was home to a perma-five o'clock shadow, and his own hazel eyes caught hers with delight. Even though he was wearing the standard attire, a button down, black tie and black dress pants he was still the boyish person Rey had come to befriend. He greeted her with a hug and smooch on the side of the head, "Good morning Lady Rey,"

"Poe," Rey said in turn with a soft smirk, "Your coffee and doughnuts, be sure to share them with that boyfriend of yours," She winked at his blush as he took his vanilla bean and his crush's salted caramel frap. He looked at her desk before marching off and said, "Organa wanted to speak with you this morning Rey, said it was important, you might want to deliver her coffee yourself this time, and you have two calls waiting on line 1 and 3, Rose should be right in to take your seat while you're with the boss," Then he gave her a smirk and kissed her hair again before marching to the elevator.

Rey watched the doors close with some sense of curiosity, it wasn't unlike Organa to call her employees to her office, but it was rare she did so with such severity and through someone else. Still, she squared her shoulders and placed her things down beneath her desk and took the two calls that were pending on lines, one was easy to schedule, as it was the leader of a local help group wishing to speak with Organa about funding, line three was more unnerving. When she pressed the line and answered with her standard, "Good morning, this is a representative of the Resistance government office for the city of D'kar, what might I help you with today?" There was nothing but silence on the other end, silence from the person who might have called, but in the background there were clearly people talking or working, streetcars could be heard, "Hello?" She asked, and looked at the time on her computer, pulling up scheduling files and pieces that she had been working on for days now. There was no answer, and Rey took the liberty of moving to terminate the call when they had done so for her. She frowned at the machine.

Rey stood from her desk a few minutes later and made way for the elevator with some documents that Organa needed for today and her coffee. Rey's cocoa was still sitting on her desk, waiting for her to drink it in. Organa's office was on the top floor, and surrounded by tinted glass. Rey always enjoyed going up there, mostly because she could see the city and all its life. In the distance, she saw rain clouds, and idly remembered the forecast mentioning snow for the last time in February, she hoped it would be rain, even if it was freezing, she loved it.

Organa's doors were already open and waiting for her inquisitive knock, the boss in question looked up from a pile of folders and computer and stared at Rey with deep brown eyes, "Come in," Came the weathered and aging voice of her boss, Rey took in Leia Organa, observed her slightly frazzled grey and white hair, took in her finely and smartly pressed attire and aging hands. Her face was soft but was one of a woman who had seen and experienced too much. Rey set the coffee on Organa's desk and smiled, "Good morning, you wanted to see me ma'am?"

"Yes, I did Rey, have a seat," She gestured to one of the chairs with a frail hand, moving the folders out of her way as Rey sat down. Then she pointedly said, "You've brought me the schedule for today, wonderful, how's your project going?" Rey unclipped the several papers of information, timestamps, and official seals from other organizations before answering, "Quite well, I've been making fine progress, the bulk of it is done, it just requires some fine tuning before I can release it,"

"Mm," The older woman nodded once in agreement, "I'm sure the others will find your hard work to be very beneficial Rey, you're a prize to this company, and an angel to the city,"

"I wouldn't go that far Ma'am," Rey blushed in embarrassment, Organa gave her a smile and leaned back in her office chair, "I'm sure praise isn't why you called me here Ma'am,"

"Intuitive as always, though yes, I did see that you should get some acknowledgement for all you've done in just this past year," Organa took pause and unlaced her fingers, placing one hand on her desk, "Rey I want you to take a vacation," Rey froze, her fingers were locked tight into her lap, nails digging into her skirt. She stared openly at her boss, her mind running a million miles a minute. Had she done something wrong? Were the clients unhappy with their scheduled times? Had she messed up when out as a public figure for the city? She had done some stuff with the press but that was mostly Organa, last week she had an interview in her steading, was something wrong with that? What did she do? "I object with all due respect Miss. Organa, I enjoy working here, I don't want a vacation," Rey squared her shoulders against her higher up and watched how the older woman smiled fondly at her,

"Rey, you're not in any kind of trouble, no one is displeased with you, I've looked at your records dear, and you've not taken one day off in the last year, the state and this firm require that all employees take some time off, not to mention how much over time you've clocked in. I want you to take a break,"

"But my project…" Rey tried to fight, there were no words for how she felt, none but one, cold. Her livelihood was being threatened, she liked to work, she couldn't think of anything else to do with her time, and she felt protective of it. Organa shook her head, narrowing her eyes sadly at Rey, "I'm not doing this just because I want you to Rey, the government requires that employees get due time off, hard work is otherwise detrimental to the health of those working. I'm doing this because I'm worried about you, it's not been the same since last year, you're different-"

"I'm fine," Rey said harshly, then she relaxed her voice and looked down at her lap, "I just like to work," Silence stretched between them, and it was clear Rey was still conflicted about taking the time off, Organa sighed, "You know I see you as my surrogate daughter, you mean more to me as a person than you do as an employee, and as a surrogate mother, I'm concerned for your health, please, a few days is all I ask, just one week, and you can continue another year without break before this comes up again," Rey looked up at the old weathered woman then, her eyes glossy from hearing such a powerful truth and plea. She frowned for a moment but nodded, watching the look of relief and happiness slowly flood onto the face of her boss.

Slowly Rey stood and left the room, walking quietly to the elevator and listening to the soft words of Organa, "One week Rey, don't come in tomorrow," she gripped her skirt between her fingers hard enough to flush her knuckles white. What would she do now during the day? It was too cold to run, she had nothing waiting for her at her apartment. Could she schedule appointments during the day at the gym? Rey sank into her desk quietly and carefully, her fingers numb as she answered calls and wrote the scheduling format for next week on auto pilot. She never touched her Cocoa.

The day was over much to her dread, she would go home now, shower, and change for her next occupation, but what then? She left her desk feeling empty and cold, she wrapped her trench coat tighter around herself, almost to the doors when Poe ran into her, he looked spent, his brown eyes tired and ready for his warm bed, his hair was a matted mess that he culdn't fix if he tried, and he was lacking the tie he donned that morning, "Rey," He said, coming to stand next to her as she paused, "Heading home,"

"Yes, I am," She said, tilting her head to look up at the man, "What can I do for you Poe?"

"I actually wanted to invite you over for dinner," Rey flushed red, sudden warmth and tingling electricity claimed her back and chest, this was unexpected, for all reasons that were obvious she assumed that Poe was interested in men. She opened her mouth only to stutter, "I… Well, Poe thats… I thought,"

"Rose is going to be there, she's bringing this beer from her home town, and Finn wanted us all to get together for an early valentine's day," She looked up at him,

"So it's a co-worker thing,"

"I guess you could call it that, you don't have to come, there's no pressure or anything," Poe gave her a charming smile, "It would be wonderful if you could make it though," Rey let out a quiet breath, her hand came up to affectionately squeeze his arm, his rather well compact arm no less, she blushed a little and smiled, "I'll see what I can do, send the address to me and what time,"

"Yes, Lady Rey, we shall be awaiting your arrival with great enthusiasm," Poe bowed dorkishly at her and gave her a soft smooch on her hair line before walking back to the offices, Rey smiled kindly at him and made her way out of the building toward the busy city. To her apartment and then to work again.

It was dark by the time she got home, just like most nights, she was tired, but happily sore and fulfilled for the day with her feat at the gym and the progress she made with her clientele. Tonight, it was raining, a heavy and cold rain much like the early morning had prompted, it was the first rain of the year, and it meant that it was the end of the snowy season.

She never minded the rain, ever since she was little she remembered how rare it was in a small town facing a life threatening drought for as long as she had known. To her it was a blessing, no matter how cold. She walked into the safety of her apartment complex, the sound of the water beating heavily on the rooftop, comforting her and drawing her closer to home on the third floor. She would take a nice hot shower, or maybe a bath to draw out her sore body, to relax with the window open, watching the rain fall. Then she would order some food, eat and go to bed reading a book on her favorite hobby.

Her keys jingled in her pocket as she retrieved them, she was so busy finding her key in those last few steps that she didn't notice the surprise before her. She all but bumped into the dark thing in front of her door, not realizing it was there. She gasped and stepped back, clenching her fists in defense, prepared to strike but quickly freezing to the spot when she saw what, or rather, who was standing in front of her door.

He was older, not noticeably so, but more weary and drenched from head to toe, like a wet cat, his black eyes were wide and unblinking, staring right at her. His black hair was pulled into a bun at the back of his head, the wet curls breaking free over his ears, his lips were almost blue from the cold and she wondered just how long he had been standing there. Still, she couldn't deny the strange familiarity that came with his black coat over his equally black business suit. He opened his mouth first, his body tall and imposing turning to her in the dark hallway, his deep voice rumbled softly in her ears, so quiet that it fell away at the end of it, "Rey,"


	2. Chapter 2

She couldn't move, she was paralyzed by his presence. How long had it been? A few months, more? How long since she thought of him, since he tried to contact her? She gathered herself, remembering the reason why they no longer talked, bitterness ate at her tone, "Kylo, what are you doing here?"

"I…" He stopped at that, looking down over her shoulder and then at her face, seemingly ashamed. He had no excuse for randomly showing up, she didn't want him there, she'd made that clear last they spoke, but that didn't mean he hadn't missed her. Why was he there? He looked at her, conviction in his quiet voice, "I wanted to see you,"

"Well you have," Rey said hastily, "Now leave," She gripped her key fiercely in her fingers and marched to her door, Kylo moved back away from her, surrendering from her angry bubble. He reached out for her, grabbing the door knob and shutting it as she tried to push it open, she glared up at him with a newfound fury, they were inches from each others face, "I wanted to talk to you,"

"I don't," She tired pushing the door again, hissing in frustration,

"Rey listen to me,"

"Why!?" She suddenly shouted, slamming the door shut after pushing it open, surprising him and herself, she was shaking with anger, having him here opened wounds that were still too fresh, ones that hadn't scarred over yet. She looked at the ground, "I don't want you here, how many times do I have to push you away for you to get a clue?!" He took a step back from her, frowning at her words, no matter how true they were. She shook her head, her accent from her home country bleeding through, "You made a mistake Kylo, own up to it,"

"I want you back," Kylo tried pleading with her, coming closer and trying to grab for her hand, she twisted out of his grasp, "I need your forgiveness, I know I fucked up-"

"You wouldn't deserve my forgiveness even if I gave it," She snarled at him, and she almost regretted the words at how easily his body crumpled at her statement. He was not a small or frail man by any means, so in that moment, why was he? She shook her head and curled her lip, "You lied to me, you kept secrets, you betrayed me when I let you in," She looked at him, "You hurt me Kylo, and I won't have it happen again,"

"I know," He sighed, voice breaking, "I don't know what I was thinking," She didn't either. Kylo had everything that she never had, food, a warm bed, water to drink, people around him, people to love him. He threw it all away at a moments notice when something displeased him, in her eyes, he was spoiled, even before she had loved him. Now he was the wealthy business owner of the local law firm, he had money, power, women, everything, so why was he standing here after a choice he made to throw her away too?

She shook her head, "I don't have time for this Kylo, go home to your girlfriend," Those words were sad falling from her lips. She gripped the handle to her door and cracked it open, about to step inside when he croaked, "I'm alone," She looked at him from the corner of her eye, "I was alone the moment I lost you, and I wanted to make things right, I just don't know how," Rey paused in everything but breathing. How dare he? How dare he come back to her and rip a hole in her heart again? She wanted to remain angry with him, angry at what she had come home to back then, to another woman on top of him.

Inside, all she could do is feel pain, and sadness.

Rey sighed and pressed her forehead on the door frame, a low sigh escaping her chest, her eyes shut and protecting the sting of unshed tears of frustration, she pulled back, staring numbly at her apartment door, "In the morning, you go," She walked into her apartment without another word, Kylo's eyes wide and shocked at her allowance, he didn't move until he heard another door close, one that could be her room and walked into her apartment.

He stood in the door, his back to the wood after he closed it and took in just how much, or how little the place had changed since he'd been there. The couch was different, instead of a black leather L-couch like he had picked out with her, it was an old fashioned teal velvet sofa. It seemed vintage and out of place until he noticed the few plants that were scattered around her kitchen and livingroom, all of them had handmade pots, and he idly wondered if she had made them herself.

Kylo did his best not to touch anything, taking in the soft rug that decorated the living room floor, the new plates that sat inside the glass cabinets of her kitchen. He frowned, feeling ashamed, recalling how he had broken every one of them when she stormed out of her own place.

Slowly, Kylo cast a look at her closed bedroom door, no doubt she had replaced everything within that room as well. He would have, if his lover had betrayed him like he had. He pulled out an island stool and sat on it, contemplative, why had she let him in the apartment a minute after she had screamed at him with a fury only she held?

He closed his eyes, frowning at his choice to show up, it was a mistake, he could smack his head against the counter for it, nothing was worth seeing the pain on her face again. Not even the hole in his heart that froze him to the core.

He listened to the water run through the pipes from an area that could only be her shower, and he looked around again, searching for a phone. It rubbed him in an odd way when he saw that aside from a house phone, she lacked several other things he remembered had been there when he last saw. Pictures of him or her friends were all taken down, there was no artwork on the walls, there was no T.V. Had she thrown it all away because of him? He shook his head, Rey was not the type of person to be so deeply affected by the mistakes of one person, she was strong, and she picked up and moved on. He wouldn't be surprised if she moved on to another person after him, she was certainly attractive enough to do so, selfless enough. Those thoughts didn't help the block of ice that sat under his ribs however, and he banished them from his mind.

Instead, Kylo pulled out his phone and contacted a local chinese restaurant that he knew she liked, and ordered for them both. Knowing fully that she couldn't cook, and that being said, she wouldn't waste her money on groceries for him to cook up. A few minutes after the call ended, Rey emerged from her room, closing the door behind her and staring at him with indignation, he could tell she was rethinking inviting him in.

Rey sighed, "You'll have to entertain yourself tonight, I have work tomorrow,"

"Still working in the government office?" She didn't answer, and he was left to take silence in response and he sat very still. How could he even begin to apologize to her? He couldn't be honest, everything that her eyes had taken in was all the honesty she needed from him. His lips opened of their own volition, "Rey?" She paused in her motions in the kitchen, she was holding a water bottle and she gave him a guarded look, he didn't know where he was going with this, "I ordered some food," Her eyes narrowed,

"That means I'll have to pay for it,"

"No, I already paid, it's just on its way now," Kylo answered, watching her with wide eyes, he couldn't take enough of her in. She was still beautiful, stunning in fact with her wet hair pulled up in a hair clip from her neck, she was wearing a plain T-shirt and sweats, but she was more beautiful than any of the women he had seen in the last year. She frowned and uncapped the bottle, taking a sip before saying, "Don't think my moment of weakness means you're back in my life Kylo Ren,"

"I know,"

"You're here for _one night_ , it's only right you pay for dinner, the less effort I have to spend on you the better," Kylo grit his teeth, he didn't need any more reminders of how much she disliked him, but it was his own damn fault for it in the first place, and if he had really wanted to see her, he'd put up with her aggression. It was better than nothing. He wanted to fix it, fix his mistakes, the gaping hole in his heart from having hurt her, from being separated from her for so long.

What could he use in his arsenal but his words? "Rey, I want to talk about it,"

"I don't"

"It could help, fix the pain,"

"There is no pain!" Rey almost threw the bottle at him, "You shouldn't even be here, I don't want to talk about it, I saw enough to replace any words that you might have," Kylo frowned, if she didn't want to listen, he couldn't force her to, but he would talk to her, "I wanted to tell you I'm sorry,"

"That word means very little to me coming from your mouth,"

"I know, but I say it with a sincerity I had to learn," He stood up from the stool and gripped the counter in front of him, anchoring him down from going to her, "For the longest time I had no idea what it was like to be close to another human being that didn't want to use me for something," He looked up at her, his voice raw with emotion, his heart pounding in his chest at the conflicted look in her glossy eyes, "I never knew what it was to be loved until I met you and now that I've lost it by some fucking mistake…"

"You want it back," She answered softly, devoid of emotion she watched him as she picked up where he left off, "Everything was about what you wanted Kylo, even trivial things like what we would buy at a grocery store when you knew I couldn't afford it,"

"I can-"

"That's beside the point, you know that I like doing things by my own means, you know I don't like things in excess," Kylo frowned at himself, he knew it was because of how she was raised, or lack there of, she didn't have anyone to teach her these things, she had to learn the hard way. She struggled to survive under a roof that didn't want her, much less could never teach her how to live life. She continued talking, "And then the big things, I didn't notice at first but my friends did, you wouldn't let me hang out with them, no I had to stay home with you and watch something I hated but you liked because you wanted it, eventually you made me stop seeing them, and you knew that, because you wanted me to yourself,"

He flinched at the harshness of her words, he tensed his shoulders and braced himself for what he knew was coming next. Rey laughed at herself coldly, "And then there was the Girl. I come home late from work one night, the week before Valentines day and what do I get, I get some, some, whore on top of you! After everything you put me through, after every piece of myself I sacrificed to make you happy because of what you wanted it wasn't enough! You needed another woman in my bed to make yourself feel better,"

She stood there, clenching her fists and venting on the verge of tears, soft pants fell from her lips as she stared him down, daring him to say something to defend himself. But there was nothing to say, she was absolutely right, and that was the worst part. Rey shook her head, looking away from him as a tear fell. Kylo had always hated watching her cry, it hit something in him that made him uncomfortable, he was never any good with words, only actions, and she didn't want him to act, she wanted him gone. He drew in a slow breath, "You're right Rey, I hurt you, I hurt a lot of people that day. I was selfish, and narcissistic and I didn't see the whole picture, I saw only you and how it wasn't enough. I don't know what I was thinking, bringing another woman here, I don't deserve a second chance, and for that reason, I won't ask for one, just that, I could see you… one more time,"

"Tell me, all of your flaws that you've reflected on, which one hurt me the most? Did you even notice?" Rey gripped the counter behind her, eyes red and wet, her soft pointed nose irritated and her lips curled into a trembling frown. Honestly? Did he notice? No, he didn't, and looking back on his actions he felt blind before her, all the little things, the fights, the anger that should never have been directed at her.

He was more than selfish, "I was angry, all the time, I felt lost and betrayed and afraid that you would hurt me too, so I hurt you first. I was aggressive to the one person who never showed me any signs of violence, I was possessive of you, when you aren't an object. I did a lot wrong, and I hate myself for it, losing you, doing what I did, I…" Rey simply watched him confess, apologize for his wrongs, and she couldn't bring herself to keep feeling angry with him. How could she when she learned a lot? When he was the only relationship she'd ever been in, who was she to know any better?


	3. Chapter 3

Rey sniffled, and drank her water pitfully, not looking at him but staring right at him. Now her ex boyfriend was in her kitchen, saying such strong words at the wrong time. It had happened a while ago, but not long enough, seeing him physically hurt and it made her want him gone even more. Some overworked nights she came home and thought she heard the same moans as she did that day, only to open the dreaded door and find nothing. Sometimes she wished she could, so she could make up for her speechlessness that day.

She spoke then, voice soft, "I have a lot of things to say to you Kylo, but I won't waste my breath," He frowned at her, looking like he wanted to reach across the counter and engulf her in his arms until she saw reason, but at the same time, he understood her next words, "In the morning, you go. You'll have had your time seeing me, conversing like you wanted, and things will go back to the way they were," She didn't have to say what she felt, that she would never have to look at him again.

A long silence filled the tense air between them. Kylo wanted to fix it all by holding her, to be selfish and take the warmth that only she gave him. He wanted to go back to the way they were but better, he wanted to be closer, to understand her on a deeper, more mature level than the superficial possessiveness that he had felt. He wanted their time together to mean something, he wanted another chance to treat her like the queen she was. Rey would never have it, she had been hurt too deeply in too short a time span, becoming aware the relationship was falling apart, being used physically and emotionally, she never wanted that again. Certainly not with Kylo Ren. She didn't believe that he was different, regardless of his confession. She didn't trust him, not anymore.

Their silence was interrupted by a knock on the door, the chinese most likely, Kylo rose to answer and thanked the delivery man. Rey turned mechanically in place and pulled down plates and cups, meanwhile, Kylo removed everything from the bags and checked the content, knowing that Rey didn't want him anywhere near her, he moved the stool so she could sit opposite to him. She set the island quietly and carefully, drawing napkins up for him and herself as she grabbed her food and stared at it.

Kylo froze, afraid of her reaction at his liberty to order for her. She said nothing and proceeded to eat her favorite order of chinese, giving him glances occasionally. How odd was it for her to see the face of the one person that had hurt her most in her life in her apartment again. He was still handsome as ever, his awkward but near perfect features, big black eyes that reflected light around them, a nose too big for his face, and lips too lush to belong to a man. Rey smirked in her food, his hair had grown longer, and his physique was almost the same. His choice of attire hadn't wavered, ever the business man, always in a button down and suit with tie. It was almost comical, sitting in her kitchen wearing pj's with a man who looked so much the higher class in his dress attire.

They finished eating respectively, silently. When they were done, Rey washed the dishes as Kylo threw away the empty containers and bag. It was much calmer, now that they had finished screaming at each other, that things had been said and intents made clear. Was it though? Rey said nothing as she retreated into her room for the night, knowing that Kylo could find the blanket closet and make do with the couch, but as she lie awake in her bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to the rain, she wondered why he chose now of all times to see her, to apologize.

Had it been eating at him for months? Or was he just here on impulse and telling her what she wanted to hear? Even then, Rey didn't know what she wanted, having him in her apartment again made her body and mind clash in ways they hadn't for a long time. She didn't know whether she wanted him to go, truly and honestly out of her life forever, or if she would miss him again even when he betrayed her. She remembered how sweet he was when they were together for the first time, how careful and considerate he was with everything, afraid of messing up. She missed that, but at the same time she recognized that wasn't who he was, Rey was not the type of person to take a pretender as a partner. If the possibility ever arose that they would be together again, it would have to be real.

There was an idea, being with Kylo Ren again, she blushed at the thought, knowing what he was capable of, what he looked like under that suit. The things he could do to her. She covered her eyes with her arm, as if that would banish the memories that lit her body on fire. Could she dare? Would she? She did, her hand slid down her exposed stomach and around her now supple hips, teasing the flesh at the memory of his own calloused hands. She bit her lip, breath hitching as they found their mark. It was scandalous, pleasuring herself with a guest, thinking of them no less. She shuddered suddenly, releasing faster than she ever had against her fingers, thinking of the man in the next room. Granted, she hadn't given in to her desires since she left him, she told herself that was why.

She cleaned the mess she made and forced herself to sleep, embarrassed at the idea of him ever finding out. Sleep took her slowly and softly, pulling her under into a familiar blackness that was too comfortable to deny.

She didn't know what she was expecting in the morning when she woke up, because as she stood in her hallway staring at the couch, there was no sign that he had even been there. She lifted her chin indignantly, it was good that he had left kept her wishes at heart, so why did she feel so cold? She hugged herself, wearly walking to the kitchen and looking for anything out of place, trying to make sense of her emotions.

Rey had told him, in the morning he's gone, but her body stung as though she had been electrocuted, was that the wrong choice? Should she have given him another chance, even with his stacking transgressions against her. She bit her lip, frowning at the thought, secretly wanting him to stay was becoming tiresome in her own mind, because nothing good could come from it.

Rey squared her shoulders and found her phone, checking for any messages regarding the gathering for work and found it was happening that evening, she smiled to herself. There was something to be done after all. She changed for the gym and headed down for her own exercise before going out to the store, purchasing something they all might have enjoyed, buying some cocoa mix for herself in the process.

When she got home there was nothing to do but work, to train those she had an appointment with and toughen or rehabilitate them. Through it all however, Kylo was a lingering presence on her mind, so many questions she had and so little answers. Anything that involved him was over emotional, volatile and dangerous. Rey almost felt she couldn't trust herself for fear of taking him back, rethinking everything she had said, overlooking the turmoil he put her through.

Rey did her best to shake all thoughts of her ex as she prepared for the get together, deciding to go bold from the standard professional look she wore every day. Rey pulled on a cream colored crop top and tight grey skinny jeans, pulling on heels that she might die in, and donning a jacket, she looked at herself in the mirror and smiled.

No, it wasn't enough, for some reason, she needed to remind herself that she was perfect without Kylo, that everything was fine. She put on a necklace that hugged her slender throat, and ear rings that sparkled up the length of her lobe. She parted her lips and narrowed her eyes, leaning forward and pushing up her breasts, pulling out her hair in a provocative pose. She needed to be different tonight.

She left her apartment with the snacks in hand and attended a taxi, taking it to the suburb side of town with houses big enough for two families. Rey stared at the finely trimmed lawn and beautiful paint job of the building. Poe lived here? She got out of the cab and carefully walked up to the front door, hesitating to lift her hand to knock.

She didn't need to, the door swung open quickly, revealing a bright eyed and smiling Poe himself as he pulled her into a bone crushing hug with a gust of lung squeezing, "Poe-" She choked out, he squeezed harder, "Ooh I'm so happy you could make it," He pulled back, holding her shoulders, "Welcome to the House of Dameron," He pulled back and swept his arm out for her to enter.

It was beautiful, warm yellow lighting invited her down the halls, the open cream archways to the living room and kitchen drew her into the massive area, the birch hardwood clicked appreciatively under her footfalls as she looked at the many pictures decorating the walls and surface areas, "So many," She mumbled carelessly, Poe smiled beside her, shutting the door, "My family members, my parents loved children, so they had 5, and then those children had children, and cousins and uncles and you get the idea," Rey smiled widely at him, feeling welcome in this place of love.

Poe lead her to the kitchen, which was bigger than it appeared with a full dining room attached. Rose, Finn, and another woman Rey didn't quite know were all standing around the island and kitchen, talking, eating and even playing cards. Poe cleared his throat and announced, "Our Lady Rey has arrived," He bowed playfully as everyone lifted their drinks with a collective greeting of hey's. Rey blushed and meandered her way over to the counter, "I brought snacks,"

"Cookies, please Rey, tell me they're cookies," This was Finn, a military brat who worked in her office. She grinned at his familiar dark skin and warm voice. She lifted the lid to reveal that there were indeed cookies waiting for him to nab, "Oh god Rey," He groaned as he ate two at a time, "You're my angel," She smiled and shook her head at him, noticing his jacket was not one she'd seen on him, but instead on Poe a number of times. She lifted a brow at herself and bit her lip, taking a cookie for herself and walking over to meet the other two women there.

Rose she recognized from the upper floors, a small woman with dark hair and a sweet smile, she was rough around the edges sometimes but a loyal friend at most. Rose opened her arms to embrace her fellow co worker before handing Rey a beer. Her attentions turned to the other woman. Her skin was a soft mocha color, and her eyes shone bright like honey, her dark hair fell down her back in soft waves and she was a small woman as well, she held out her hand to Rey in greeting, "Jessika Pava, pleasure to meet you Lady Rey,"

"It's just Rey," The woman in question blushed, "Poe says that as an old joke,"

"Really?" Jessika's brow arched, "How long have you known him?"

"A year now, since I started working at the firm, you?"

"We went to flight school together, difference is," She looked over at the man and raise her voice, "I actually became a pilot!"

"Whatever!" Was Poe's response over his shoulder, Rey chuckled, looking over at Rose and welcoming her into the conversation. The night went on as such, jovial and harmless, comfortable as Rey fell into a card game with all of them, snacking on chips and cookies, sipping beer and shooting jokes across the table. The time came for bathroom breaks soon enough however, and it was just Poe and Rey, she leaned closer first, "So, he's wearing your jacket," Poe smiled shyly, Rey hit him with her elbow and wriggled her brows, "Soo?"

"I talked to him okay? You're worse than my sister,"

"Too bad she isn't here to torture you out of it," Rey snickered, "Tell me, I want to hear just how adorable it was,"

"Well…." Poe looked at the table, his ears tinting red, "He was the first to show up, I gave him the wrong time on purpose, I wanted to talk.. I told him how I felt and that was that,"

"Bullshit," Rey declared, "There's more to it than that,"

"Secret for a secret Lady Rey, you've been holding onto one all night, don't think I haven't noticed," She tisked at him and frowned playfully, taking another sip of her beer, "Fine Mr. Dameron, a secret for a secret, you first though," A beat of quiet followed,

"He said he felt the same way," Poe said triumphantly, Rey clapped and gasped,

"No way," Poe nodded with vigor, "Tell me,"

"Well, one thing lead to another, and we kissed, well we did a lot more than kiss, but you know," He giggled like a schoolgirl and Rey couldn't help but beam, happy for her friend and his success at finding a guy he really liked, who happened to be her other friend Finn. She stared at her bottle and bit her lip through the smile, twisting the brown glass against the table, she knew what she had to do next, a deal was a deal, "My ex showed up at my door last night,"

"What?" Poe harsh whispered, leaning in against Rey's shoulder, she nodded,

"We argued some in the hall and then for some godsforsaken reason I let him inside,"

"Did you do the thing?" Poe asked childishly,

"Gods no," Rey gushed, blushing at the thought of it, "We passive aggressively ate food and he left in the morning like I told him to," She frowned at herself, wondering why she sounded so disappointed in the end, Poe stared at her with glossy accusing eyes, "Rey," He warned, "What are you thinking?"

"That I didn't really want him to go," She admitted quietly to herself, she frowned and sniffled, staring at her beer as tears fell heavily down her face. Why was she crying? Truly he didn't mean that much to her. Poe cooed softly in her ear and pulled her into a close embrace, sliding his long fingers into her hair and cradling her to his chest, "It's okay honey, something tells me it's not the last time he'll show is face to you," She nodded wordlessly into his chest and pulled herself together, taking in a breath, she refused to let the thought of him ruin her night with her new friends.

When the party ended, there wasn't much to bring back but herself and her buzzed thoughts, she thanked the cab driver and wandered up the stairs to her apartment, listening to the soft pitter patter of rain drizzle on the building and concrete outside. She sighed and closed her eyes, climbing up the last few steps by memory before opening her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning: Sexual content may not be suitable for young audiences.**

* * *

There he was again, standing with his coat drenched again and his eyes wide, surprised to see her. Rey frowned, unsure how to proceed with her thoughts warm and cheeks flushed red, "What are you doing here?" She pulled together,

"I left my phone,"

"You left your phone," She looked at him with her brows raised in disbelief, a moment of staring insured before she sighed and rubbed her face, "Fine, take it and leave," She opened her door and walked in slowly, hanging up her jacket in the closet beside them. She listened as Kylo waltzed in and searched for his mobile device, she caught him shooting glances her direction, and then blushing and muttering to himself. She frowned, what was his problem? She shook her head and removed her shoes and sighed at the relief, she hadn't realized how badly her feet had been hurting.

Kylo was fully staring at her now, eyes wide as they took her fit and supple body in, at the clothes she was wearing, his ears turning red at the sound she made. When had he not noticed this? When he was with her, she was never so appealing, or maybe, he never paid her any attention. The moment was broken when she all but fell over the counter to the fridge, "Rey,"

"What?" She grumbled,

"Are you drunk?" She ripped open the fridge door and glared at the lightbulb inside, pulling out a water bottle she un capped it before saying, "No, I'm buzzed, not drunk, there's a discernible difference there Kylo, not that you would know, I've seen your drinking habits," She drank half the bottle in one go, giving time for the insult to sink in. He frowned at her get up now, "You went to a bar looking like that?" Rey slammed the fridge door shut, looking like she wanted to throw something, she snarled at him, slurring some of her words, "Look asshole, before you start assuming things and randomly showing up at my house for the second time in a row... " She paused, furrowing her brows as she concentrated on the toaster, "Not that it's any of your business, but I had a work party tonight, and there happened to be really good beer, now if you'll excuse yourself from judging me, that would be wonderful," She turned away from him, mumbling to herself at first and then speaking rather loudly as she walked to her room, "Fucking phone bullshit, yeah right you lost your phone, your ass staring is pretty obvious jerkface," The door shut promptly after that.

Kylo stood very still, unsure of how to handle the situation. He needed his phone, and of course, then he would leave, but Rey was in fact drunk and part of him felt very uncomfortable with the idea of leaving her in the apartment like that. Kylo sighed and searched for his phone, flipping couch cushions and opening drawers until he found it, sitting beside a pot in the windowsill. He sighed and stood, intending to leave the apartment when the door was pulled open.

Rey marched out and cornered him, looking frazzled but clean and slightly less intoxicated. She shook her head at him, not quite glaring at him but trying, "I hate you," She shook her head at nothing and looked away, seemingly frustrated, "I hate you for showing up randomly when I had just gotten my life back together, for making me feel these things when I'm angry at you,"

"I can leave, if you want me to," Kylo said, even if it pained the hole in his chest, Rey almost growled at him,

"NO, no you wouldn't even if I told you to, you always come back one way or another, no matter what I do, I can't stop thinking," She laughed at herself, bringing her arms up to hug herself, wishing the cold would go away, her voice shook, "The worst part is, even though I know what you did to me, even if the wound is still fresh and I feel so fucking cold and alone, I don't want you to go, not really, I want you here with me in the way that we could have been," Kylo resisted the urge to close the gap between them, his body screaming out for her warmth, his fingers twitching at the sensation, Rey continued, licking her lips, "After all the shit Kylo, I didn't want you to go, I missed you and I feel so fucking ashamed, do you know what it's like? To love a monster?" He visibly flinched at her words and compelled himself to step forward, arms reaching for her and pulling her in his grasp so easily.

She weighed nothing as he pulled her to his chest, feeling her body shake as she sobbed, arms crushed between their chests, "I want to hate you more than I can, but every time I look at you it fades, every time I think of what we could be, I question myself because of you,"

"You're right Rey, I'm a monster, hate me if it will make you feel better, please," He told her, it made her shake harder and wriggle from his grasp, she wanted to hit him, "How dare you!? Just show up…" The rest was muffled words and choked gasps for air as she let her knees buckle.

They sank to the floor, Rey clutching his shirt and jacket like a lifeline as she shamelessly released her emotions into his chest. Kylo shed silent tears at her pain, at her confliction, he never wanted this, never truly wanted to hurt her. More than anything he wanted to fix the pain he had caused, she deserved that much and more, and he was a fool for ever behaving otherwise. He held her closer than he had ever in his life, the ice in his chest hard and sharp but melting away. The night carried on, the cries becoming silent, her body slowing in its motions, his own exhaustion seeping through. They fell asleep together on the floor, Kylo's coat draped over them.

Waking up was easy, taking it in was the hard part. Rey laid there frozen and afraid against his chest, her face and nose brushing his shoulder and neck, his arms wrapped tightly around her, it appeared she wasn't moving for a while. Instead, she let herself slowly relax against her better judgement, she was still so tired after yelling her emotions out for two days and then waging an internal war with herself, cuddling into a source of warmth didn't sound so bad right then.

Rey did just that, her eyes falling shut as she breathed in his scent, her lungs fluttering at the pleasant memory of passing out on the couch together from watching some odd show. Kylo had held her so close that night, whispering how beautiful she was, how much he needed her in his life. Then the warmth, it melted away the frost on her shoulders and fingertips, her face relaxed into his black shirt. If Kylo could just hold her like this, even when they were fighting, it would help fix things that much more.

Of course, that meant Rey would have to acknowledge that she wanted him around, it was something that terrified and appealed to her at the same time. She didn't feel ready for that kind of commitment again, certainly not to the same person that had broken her heart to begin with. She smiled at her foolish and conflicted thoughts, only Kylo Ren could make her question everything.

The man in question shifted, groaning something incoherent and pressing his parted lips in her hairline, a large hand snaking up and over to grip her hair. His fingers twitched against her scalp and she almost giggled, who could have thought that she would do this again, watch him while he slept.

The sudden urge to pee struck her hard and she resisted a fatal squirm, she blushed and ran a million plans through her brain on how to escape the grasp of this man without waking him up. If he woke up, there would be nothing but awkwardness, silence and that knowing look he got on his face. Rey wasn't sure she could resist slapping him if he gave her that look, and she knew that she wasn't ready to just talk to him like a normal human being.

Either way, Rey took in a deep breath and slowly wiggled free from his clutches, much to his distress as he let out a low sleepy growl. She crept quickly to her room to escape the equivalent of a sleeping bear, and shut the door quietly before saging against it with a long sigh. She stared at the ceiling as if it had answers for her confliction, as if the words would magically appear and make all of this better.

It couldn't be helped, she decided while washing her hands, Kylo Ren was here for some reason, and he clearly couldn't leave until she listened to what he had to say. No matter what she did, the universe pushed him back to her, but why now? After all this time she was alone and bitter, why did he come back? She washed her face and failed to blink away the sleep in her brain. She moved over to her bed and flopped on it, staring at the fibers of her blankets, rubbing the pads of her fingers over it lightly, idly considering the situation at hand. Because of Leia, she had no excuse to leave the house during the day, she might as well deal with him now before he got too comfortable and stuck around.

Rey walked back into the living room to find he was already awake, an uncomfortable wave fell over her when she realized that she had failed in her attempts at escaping unnoticed. She held her breath, almost afraid to move lest he notice her. A catch-22 was inevitable, and Kylo Ren let his dark eyes flick up to her, up her bare legs, and to her face where they stayed. For a long moment neither of them said anything, not wanting to break the almost peaceful quiet between them.

Then, Kylo moved, he stood and gathered his coat, sliding his now found phone into his pocket and tried to look anywhere but her, "I guess I should go," Came his deep burly voice, and Rey paused, her brain stuck in a stalemate of emotions as Kylo reached the door, his hand turning the handle and pulling when Rey was right behind him, "Wait!" what was she doing? "Wait..." She said softer this time, confused at her own actions and horrified at the thought of him leaving her. Her fingers dug into the back of the sofa as she watched his shoulders tense, watched as his dark halo of hair, that had somehow come out of its tie in the night, turned and looked at her with an uncertainty that almost hurt.

She parted her lips, unsure of how to apologize for the yelling, regardless of whether he deserved it or not, "Kylo-"

"Don't," He said, tone commanding but soft, he stared at her with furrowed brows, "Don't lie to me, be honest, do you want me to stay?" She felt her breath flutter in her lungs, her eyes watered against her own volition and she almost crumpled inward, now or never, she would fight the cold and empty feeling in her chest, "Stay," She whispered, looking up at him through her lashes, "I want you to stay,"

All at once the door shut and she was off the ground, strong arms encased her and lifted her up against the sturdy chest of Kylo Ren. Her own arms wrapped around his head and shoulders, fingers sliding through the dark locks. She inhaled and bit her lip, listening to the soft shudders of breath against her shoulder, feeling his body shake as he held back tears. Gently, Rey bent down and brushed her lips against his forehead, letting them rest there just a moment before he broke away from her.

Her toes touched the ground first, then the ball and sole of her feet and she stepped away from him carefully, still touching his shoulder and chest. Kylo looked down at her with a dark and intense expression, one that made her feel wanted. His fingers tightened around her waist, his lips parted to ask a silent question, Rey shivered and leaned closer, nodding her nose along his chin and jaw, whispering one word that swept her off her feet bridal style all the way to her room.

The tie went first, dark and imposing but strangely fitting for him, it flew to the floor as Rey flopped back first onto the bed, Kylo crawled over her slowly, running his fingers through her long chocolate teresses. Rey giggled when he rubbed a tendril over her nose teasingly, distracted for a moment from the buttons of his shirt. Her legs looped over his hips as he leaned down and kissed along her neck, soft open mouthed trails of hot that ignited her body.

Cold melted away, and the empty became whole as his shirt went missing from his body, their bodies moving slowly against one another, relearning the nuances, relishing in the soft noises and even softer kisses. Kylo's hand came up and squeezed the inside of Rey's thighs with playful acknowledgement, grinning into her cheek as he tried to kiss her.

Soon there were no clothes at all, just movement, silent words exchanged, soft pleas, even softer moans. Rey arched into his teasing fingertips, shuddering as he traced every edge, every curve and hidden crevice of her body. His lips hovering over hers, dark eyes watching every expression of bliss she made. It wasn't until she moaned his name that he gave her what she wanted, his fingers slowly entering her dripping folds.

Rey shuddered and rolled her hips against his slow movements, frustrated with how much he was enjoying this torture. She opened her fluttering eyes as he pressed on that spot, "Kylo.." She moaned, fingers tightening in the sheets, "Please,"

"I am,"

"No.." She groaned when he did it again, rubbing slow hard circles against it, his thumb massaging her bud, "Kylo,"

"Yes Rey?" He almost purred in her ear, kissing and nibbling on her neck and jaw, feeling her flutter against his fingers, her juices soaking his palm. One of his hands moved to grip her hips and pinned them to the bed earning a frustrated huff from the woman beneath him. She stuttered as she grew closer to her release, coiling and tightening around his fingers, "I want you, in me.. Please, I-" She gasped and squirmed, letting out a soft long moan, her legs tightened around his waist and she unraveled against his hand.

Kylo smiled at his work, she was already sweating from his ministrations, but now she was ready for him. Kylo shifted over her and slid his fingers into hers, lining himself up and kissing her face gently until she nodded. They gasped together, a deep low growl emanating from Kylo's chest followed and he pushed further, "Ky-lo," Rey panted, rolling her hips to adjust as he gently moved back and forth.

He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her parted lips, then took her lip between his teeth and softly nibbled, kissing her fully and tasting her. He moved harder against her, pressing his hips to hers, feeling her squeeze delightfully around him the further he went, listening to her quiet pants. He leaned back and gripped her ass and thighs, "Louder, I want to hear you,"

"Harder," Rey challenged, earning a grin from her counterpart as he took to thrusting full force into her. She shuddered and moaned each thrust, shamelessly cursing, "Fuck you feel so good," Kylo's hand snaked down between her legs, finding her already sensitive bud and rubbing it in circles, Rey's hips bucked against him, "Kylo!"

"Come for me," Her body shivered, her back arching slightly as she pulsed around his cock, she let out a soft moan and dug her nails into the sheets. Kylo groaned low in his throat, pulling out as she came undone. She was still feeling it when he flipped her gently, pushing her up on her knees and stomach, not hesitating to thrust back into her dripping wet pussy, "Fuck Rey," She moaned gratefully into the sheets and pushed her hips and ass back into his movements.

He was close, she could tell in his reckless abandon, the way he gripped her hips and ass, snapping his hips to hers in jerky motions, "Fuck it," He grunted and gasped, feeling her clench hard around him once again as he stilled for a moment and panted. They stayed that way for a moment, catching their breath before Kylo pulled out and flopped onto the bed beside her.

Rey fell easily into his arms and snuggled back into his warm chest. Her body buzzed with warmth and was sheen with sweat, she breathed in their commingled scent and smiled to herself. Kylo wrapped a protective arm over her waist and stomach, kissing her shoulder and breathing in her scent, they said nothing for a long time, just relaxing in the arms of each other for most of the morning. Rey was almost asleep when Kylo let out a groggy, "What now?" it was a good question. Rey wasn't sure, what did happen now? She had invited him into her life, and then her bed in the same hour, of course she couldn't have predicted that happening. Where would they go from there? Would they hold onto grudges or would they get over it?

Rey didn't know. And that was the beauty of it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning: Sexual content may not be suitable for young audiences.**

* * *

Things weren't normal when they woke up together a few hours later, Rey had shimmied out of bed to shower and get ready for work, and Kylo had lain there and watched. The question still hadn't been answered, and Kylo worried that his physical apologies hadn't been enough, that she was still angry with him.

Of course, he thought more on it, deciding that what he did to her was rather cruel, and if she never forgave him for it, he would deserve that much. He slowly bent over the side of the bed to gather his clothes, pulling on the briefs and pants, sitting on the bed and fumbling with the shirt, Rey came out of the bathroom and regarded him with a fond expression, she doesn't want to say it, but he knows her insecurity believes he's decided to ditch her.

Kylo stands too quickly and almost stumbles into her as he grabs her wrists in his large hands, he had forgotten how small she was, her spirit certainly did not match her physique. Rey looked up at him with uncertainty, he forgot the words to say in that moment, staring down at her still blushing face with her hair not fully put up falling in her face. She parts her lips, and he forgets how to speak entirely, letting out something akin to a groan as he takes her face in his hands and smashes his lips to hers.

Rey stands on her toes, pressing her chest to his and leaning back into the wall, effectively becoming sandwiched between the cool paint and his feverish kisses. Suddenly she lets out a giggle against his lips and he smiles at the sound, their kiss ruined as they're but grinning at each other. Her head rests on the paint as he leans against her, he finds the words then, although slightly breathless, "I'm not leaving,"

"Even if I make you?" She jests playfully, raising her brows in challenge,

"You'd have to move me yourself," She giggles again and presses a soft kiss to his cheek, "I have to go to work,"

"Right," Kylo clears his throat and steps back, taking in her attire and resisting the urge to pin her again. Her yoga pants hug her tightly, and her sports bra is seen clearly through her white shirt. He should be upset that she'd going out like this, to a gym where she'll be surrounded by men bulkier than himself, but one glance over the shoulder from her tells him he has no reason to worry.

She grabs a water and shoots him a concerned glance, he's still shirtless in her kitchen, she presses her lips together to resist biting them, "You should get some clothes," She recommends, Kylo pauses and then nods, unsure of her invitation, she grabs a coat and dons her sneakers before she says, "We'll talk when I get back,"

"Okay," In that moment, he decides she deserves something nice, because he can tell she's still bothered by his mistakes, regardless of the mind blowing sex. He suddenly worries that every time they're in bed, she'll think of the other woman, in truth, he hadn't thought of it and felt ashamed for pushing her so quickly.

Kylo gathers his clothing quickly and sets out for the day, leaving a note for Rey on the island counter, 'be back soon' and he leaves the small apartment with haste.

When Rey returns, she does so to an empty apartment, and for a moment she worries again that Kylo has indeed left before she remembers her suggestion. Then her eyes land on the bright green sticky and she smiles. She stripped of her clothing and showered, her mind running a full diagnostic of the situation, and Kylo Ren. They'd had sex the first day she said she wanted him here, she didn't know if it was a fatal mistake or if it had closed the bridged gap between them.

And then, her allowance for him to stay, she was wary and untrusting of herself even now, she didn't want to ever feel the pain of that day again. She thought of his substitution for action rather than words, and smiled to herself, it was a characteristic of his that she was fond of. Of course, this also meant it could backfire, his aggression was another issue she had dealt with in the past and she would have none of it.

She looked in the mirror as she dried off, thinking of all the terrible things that she had said to him, a feeling of guilt in her gut, she needed to apologize for her explosive behavior. He had faced her with good intentions and she was needlessly cruel. She pulled on a shirt and some shorts before exiting the room, stumbling upon a closed front door and Kylo fumbling with his shoes.

Her eyes instantly fell on the duffle bag he had beside him, and then, on the flowers that were flailing in his grasp. She paused, watching him, unsure of how to approach him when he glanced her way and paused, "Rey! You're back," He let out a slow uneven breath, upset that he couldn't surprise her, he looks down at the flowers in his hand and then to her, noticing she's gotten considerably closer, "I thought... You know," Rey smiled and wrapped her arms around him, placing a delicate kiss over his heart.

Kylo sighed with relief and sagged his shoulders, he gently brought the flowers to her face and felt heat come to his ears, "For you," Rey's eyes flickered up to his, mischief dancing in the honey pools of green and brown, she took them carefully from his hands and placed them on the table beside them, dropping down to her knees slowly, fingernails gently scraping under his shirt and over his skin.

Kylo let out a slow breath and leaned back against the door, her hands undoing his belt and pulling down his zipper as her lips teased his abdomen and hips. His hand rested on her head when she released him, her lips quickly gliding back and forth over his member. Kylo's eyes fell shut and his lips parted with a breathless, "Fuck Rey," Her tongue swirled and he gasped, fingers twitching in her hair.

He finished embarrassingly quick, and bit his lip in shame, worried she would take notice of this, but her lips had felt too damn good, her nose softly pressing into the trail of hair each movement. She stood slowly, waiting for his reaction, pleasantly surprised when he cupped her face and placed a solid kiss on her lips, "I should bring you flowers more often," Rey giggled against him and pulled back, "We still need to talk," Kylo nodded and put himself away, gathering his things and walking to the couch.

They were seated at the island again, this time with less malice between them, neither of them knew where to start, so they worked backwards, "Are they apology flowers?" Rey asked softly, looking at them in the vase to the side, they were beautiful, combinations of red, pink, and orange. Kylo nodded, "I don't think my words are adequate enough,"

"So you assumed things would be?" There was no aggression in her tone, just finality,

"I thought I should get you something nice," Kylo stared at her from across the counter, "But they don't do the situation justice,"

"You have more to say?"

"I fucked up Rey," She frowned at him, they had already established that, but perhaps he felt more guilty for it than she thought. Kylo continued, "At the time, I was a very lost individual, I hated the world and I hated people, it only made sense that it would feel the same. You were the one person I couldn't stand to lose, and in that paranoia, I hurt you, deeply, not just with the other woman, but with the way I was behaving."

"I think I understand," Rey said after a beat, "You went about it the wrong way, but I can empathize, if I were in your situation, I think I might be possessive and angry too,"

"But I never wanted you to experience that, I didn't realize I was even doing it, controlling you."

"And the woman?"

"She…" Kylo was at a loss for words, there was no excuse for that, "At that point, the only thing I saw was you pulling away from me, I thought that you were already gone from my side and that my actions no longer mattered." Rey sat there in silence for a minute, considering his words, pondering her next ones. She sat straighter and looked at the counter at her fingertips, "You're right Kylo, I was pulling away from you, because I was noticing the little things weren't so small anymore, that you became more my master than my boyfriend, I had to ask permission to do anything lest you freak out on me,"

"I'm sorry,"

"But your actions only got worse from there, and I was thinking of leaving you, it came up every day in my head, but I knew that if I did, you'd only fall further into that darkness that consumed you," Their eyes met, Kylo's wide and insecure, Rey's were sullen and accepting, "I was willing to keep going, to brave the storm with the hopes that you would wake up one day and see how much you made me suffer. I stayed because I thought, naively, that only I could be the one to help you,"

"In the end, it was my actions that pushed you away," Kylo muttered, knowing that those memories would forever be at the back of her mind when it came to him. He hated the thought of ever treating her that way again, and despised the fact that he had already done so in the past. A simple 'sorry' couldn't fix the damage that had been done, "I should have dealt with my pain better, I shouldn't have let it out on you,"

"You weren't the only one in pain Kylo, I was broken for a long time too, I thought that I deserved it somehow,"

"No, Rey," He said this with a conviction that surprised her, his normally soft voice had gone hard, "No one could ever deserve what I did to you," Rey stared at him for a moment, her mind arguing against him but her body calm. Instead she reached out a hand and laced his fingers with hers, she was pleased inwardly that they could talk to each other like humans than animals. The memory of their legendary fights still fresh in her mind, where they'd get physical and destroy anything that got between them, so focused on ripping each other apart. They'd scream at each other until their voices gave, and for every scratch and bruise on her there was a matching one on Kylo before they'd submit to silence. "Rey," Kylo's voice broke her thoughts, and he was looking at her in a way that was unfamiliar,

"Yes Kylo?"

"I promise never to do it again, I'll keep my anger in check, and I know now that you're not something to possess or control,"

"Let's not jump too quickly into promises," Rey was afraid of that kind of commitment, "Right now, the best thing for both of us is to just talk, if there's an issue, no holding onto it, that only causes problems, let's talk things out first,"

"Full disclosure then,"

"Right," Rey nodded to him, taking in the way his shoulders relaxed and his hard face softened, the rest of their evening was quiet, Rey had watered all her plants as Kylo showered. They sat on the couch eating leftover chinese and talking about work, Rey revealing the adorable love thing going on with her coworkers, and Kylo talking about numbers and charts for his Law firm.

There wasn't much more to be said between them by the time midnight rolled around, and Rey idly wondered if all their nights would be so quiet, such a contrast to what they used to be. If they weren't arguing when they were together, they were screwing on any surface available. She recognized that she and Kylo had done a lot of growing in the past year, she was now 24 and he, being 8 years older than her, had reached the ripe age of 32. She worried about him, about his plans for the future and if he meant this slow step back into her life to be something temporary or if he wanted it to be for good.

Rey lead him to the bedroom, refusing to let him sleep on a couch way too small for him, they didn't do anything scandalous, just held each other. It was a nice change of pace for her, to learn that Kylo in all his complexities could be just as gentle as he was violent. She pressed her face into his back that night, wrapping an arm around his waist while he slept deeply, she should be terrified of the man beside her, but in her heart she knew that with him around, she would never fear anything again.


	6. Chapter 6

**It's safe to say that from here on, there will be explicit content and unexpected fluff.**

* * *

The question came up the next morning, while they were at the grocery store with an agreement that Kylo would be buying, because in all honesty, Rey never knew what she was doing when it came to food. Their cart filled with fresh produce and meats, Kylo had turned and watched her sniff vegetables and herbs when he asked her, a sudden question that he didn't stumble over, "Will you go to the fair with me?" She had paused and stared at him, he was referencing the valentine's day celebration on the docs at the edge of the city. She'd never gone, never had a reason to, so she shrugged and offered him a nod.

When they got home, Kylo took to doing the cooking as they shared the cleaning chore, of course, Rey could fix anything that appeared to be broken, and was handy with mechanical issues. She smiled everytime Kylo grumbled something about inadequate kitchen tools.

Soon enough the house is clean and Kylo has set the island with dinner, something with chicken that Rey can't pronounce, one bite into it and she moans, scooping up the rice on the side and almost stuffing her face, "You missed your calling, fuck the law firm," Kylo chuckles at her words, remembering in that moment that she was used to pre made meals and going to restaurants. He vowed to himself then that as long as she would let him, he'd cook every night for her.

They talked for the few hours before she had to go to work again, simple things that they never had discussed beforehand, and they both realized that when they were first together, it was because they had nothing left to do. It was a negative way to start a relationship, and part of the reason why it failed.

Rey was sitting on the ground between Kylo's legs, tinkering with an old cell phone for parts when his voice filtered over her ears, "What's your favorite drink?" Rey stopped her motions and looked up at him, watching him watching her before she answered him, "I like hot chocolate,"

"A sweets girl?"

"Chocolate was not a necessity where I grew up, I only ever had it when I moved here, I didn't know it existed until the office gave me a welcome basket," Rey continued to fiddle with the phone, removing the screen and revealing the small motherboard, "I enjoy it, sweets have always made me feel nice,"

"Cake then?"

"No no cake,"

"What?" Kylo sounded shocked, "Cake is the best,"

"Cookies are the best Kylo, if you could put cookies or brownies into a cake _then_ I'd eat it," He gave her a hard look even if she couldn't see it, challenge accepted. He got to work on his phone, searching recipes and flavor combinations that she might enjoy. He stopped when he heard his name, "Yes?"

"You're doing too much,"

"What do you mean?" His brows furrowed and she sighed,

"Cooking is nice and all, but I don't want you to feel obligated to do things like that, there's no need to make anything up to me," Kylo frowned, of course there was, for him, there was always something to make up for. Rey stood suddenly and joined him on the sofa, straddling his thighs as she touched his shoulders, "We agreed to start over,"

"But after everything I-"

"Is in the past, Kylo," She gently cupped his face, "I'm ready to forgive, are you?" Kylo frowned at her in confusion, she was mad at him from the beginning, so why isn't she now? His fingers found her hips and he squeezed in thought, nodding his head slowly, "I'm not saying we should forget what happened, but I want things to be different this time, and we can't have that if we keep holding on to the past,"

"We need to let it die," Kylo murmured, staring into her ever understanding pools of forest. Her eyes glinted, "Will you start over with me Kylo? Learn to be yourself in that time,"

"If you allow me the pleasure of being your boyfriend," Rey gaped for a moment, a slow smirk forming over her lips,

"Boyfriend hardly fits the criteria of us Kylo,"

"Romantic interest?" He suggested playfully, poking her sides, making her curl and giggle, she placed a kiss to his nose, "How about, we focus on us, rather than labels,"

"Sounds good," Kylo agreed with a small rumble in his chest, his fingers sliding up and under the hem of her shirt, his hands splaying up her back and over her ass. She scoots forward, kissing his lips slowly and gently, slipping her fingers into his hair and gently tugging, parting her lips further as he fingers her panties.

They take their time then, exploring all reactions to subtle and soft touches. Coming undone on her teal sofa, making up for lost time in the small hours between work. She's ridden him slow enough to consider it torture, but she can't bring herself to go faster for the bewildered look in his eyes as he beholds her. She's so wet, and he's so hard and she doesn't want it to end. Kylo wraps his arms around her gently, pressing her close to his chest and burying his face in her neck and hair.

She shudders, and her body coils of her own volition, their movements magnified by the slow pace, and he's begun moving his hips against her. Rey squeezes his shoulder to warn him, kissing the shell of his ear as her pants get heavy, his long fingers grip her back side hard enough to leave marks and she comes. She's sighing and gasping for air as he continues to pump slow motions into her, eventually stilling and pressing soft kisses up her neck and to her lips.

He cups her face then in his large hands, wanting to say something but the words freeze on his tongue, his eyes dance with the words and her own glossy orbs wait in anticipation. But now is not the time, not for a while, regardless of how badly he may want to say them, he wants this chance with Rey, and he refused to fuck it up again. So instead of saying what he needed to, he kisses her with as much passion as he would have said.

He's at a loss when she goes to work, there's not much to do in the limelight of their interactions, and he wishes suddenly that he had more to put on the table for her. But the issue for self occupation was still bold in his mind. He did laundry, after their clothes had been dirtied from the sofa affair, but that still wasn't enough.

Kylo decides that going back to work would be a terrible idea, just looking at the office number on his phone brings a sense of disappointment, and instead, he takes to the town, trying to find an ailment to his boredom. In his walk, he reconsiders his occupation all together, his place of work would do fine without him, and if he was honest with himself, working there wasn't fulfilling enough. He appreciated physical work, but he came up short with an application of that to the real world. Kylo Ren was good with numbers, organization, logistics, and personnel management. He was everything a fortune 500 company needed and begged for, but he didn't enjoy doing it.

What he would enjoy, he told himself, was to watch Rey open her own business, and he could forget all about his legal ties to his own. He knew it was an idea of hers, always coming home with something new to fix, dropping everything when a friend's computer or car didn't work. She was a wizard at those kinds of things, and if he could be helpful in any of those aspects it would be accounting, legal work.

He could do it, leave everything behind for her goals to surface, he had enough money stockpiled to fund a small army, purely because he had no use for it. Rey however, she could get herself a workshop, he made a mental note to ask her about her future later, perhaps over dinner. He looked at the time, she would get off in a few hours, might as well make himself useful and cook something nice for her, steak maybe? A fine red wine to go with it? Or would that be too romantic, Kylo frowned, realizing he had come to a stop in front of one of the local jewelry stores.

He gazed up at the sign, a few sprinkles of water gathering in his eyelashes, Mrs. Kanata's had been a store here in the city owned by a woman who was old even when he was young. He fingered the door of his own volition, pulling it open and chiming a small bell in the corner. Glass display cases lie around every edge of the room, maze like and glistening with precious gemstones and metals in their protective case.

What on earth was he doing in here? He told himself to turn and leave when a woman came into view from the back room, "Come in come in, welcome to Mrs. Kanata's dear, let me know what you might be looking for, and we can go from there," He pinned her with a hard stare, she was wearing some magnifying bino's, a tool belt sat around her frail waist and her hair withered and grey like the rest of her. But the way she walked held spunk, and she offered him a calculated look of an old woman before usuring him with her fingers.

Kylo cautiously slithered toward the counter where she sat upon a stool, she smiled, "Ben Solo, how nice to see you again," He inwardly bristled, not having heard that name in a long time, not since he was 18. Few knew that name, even fewer knew he and Kylo Ren were the same person. He tried not to grimace at the old woman, "Maz, hello, but I don't go by that name anymore," She nodded appreciatively, with an understanding that almost scared him, "Right, it's Kylo Ren now, wealthy playboy and business tycoon, what can I help you with today?"

"I don't know," He said, voice soft as he floundered for an explanation for having wandered into the store. Maz narrowed her old greying eyes and smiled, "There's a girl, isn't there?" Kylo almost blushed like an adolescent confessing to his first crush, "Maybe, I'm not sure she's ready for any of this though," He gestured to the wide collection of engagement rings and promise charmed bracelets. Maz chuckled in her throat amused, "Perhaps," She said cryptically, "For now, why not settle on something more practical,"

"She hardly thinks jewelry is practical," He found himself saying, now that he thought about it, Rey wasn't the type to indulge on useless things or pretty jewelry, he hardly saw her wear it for anything more than a formal get together. Maz made a harrumph and slid from the stool, waddling over to a case to the far end of the shop, beckoning Kylo to follow.

In the case was nothing flashy, just simple chains, some bare and minimal in design, others adorned with sparkling diamonds and other assorted gemstones. Kylo shot a questioning look at the old woman, who returned a look of pride, "Now Kylo, I'll make you a deal," Her tone was one of finality that he couldn't avoid even if he wanted to, "You get her one of these, and present it to her, if she seems to like it then come back and I'll give you a gift for free," Kylo shot a glance at the over confident woman, but if she had been around running this business the way she was now, it was no wonder it was still around.

Kylo leaned forward over the glass, pondering over the selection, he didn't know what she would like, they had never discussed anything like this before, and he had never been observant enough to see what she might enjoy wearing. Whether she preferred gold or silver or something else. His brow furrowed, lost in thought when Maz reached down and plucked a small silver chain from the selection.

He glanced at it feebly, it was nothing too flashy, it was incredibly simple in fact, the centerpiece being two rings interlocked, two pearls in the center of each ring, one black, and one white. Kylo raised an eyebrow, "It's one of my earliest pieces, as a girl my father had given me a black pearl that he had pulled from the guts of a fish from the docks, I had no idea what to do with it for years until he passed, I opened this shop and it was one of the first pieces I ever made," It was a charming if not graphic tale,

"How much?" Maz smiled warmly at him, her eyes glistening with approval before they talked over the price, bargaining and Kylo attempting to see what this 'gift' could be if he returned. Eventually, they settled over the price without malice and shook on it. He left the small shop feeling strange, like he had been meant to do such a thing before he walked back to Rey's apartment.


	7. Chapter 7

**It's safe to say that from here on, there will be explicit content and unexpected fluff.**

* * *

Kylo got started on dinner, seasoning the steak and preparing potatoes and other assorted greens to go with it. On the way back he had picked up an aged wine that the sales associate assured him was perfect for his meal plan. He gathered two glasses and set the island, unfortunately failing to find candles to adorn the island. Rey walked in nearly soaked to the bone in her gym clothes as he was pulling out the vegetables and potatoes from the oven. She glanced at the island and then at him, a look of caution on her face, "What's this?"

"Dinner, go take a shower and we can eat," Is all he said, he was still mulling over how to present the piece of jewelry that he had purchased earlier. Rey stepped into the bedroom and undressed, showering and then emerging 15 minutes later in a pair of fresh clothes. A cream colored button down and some army green shorts that went down to her calf, her hair was wet and pinned in place with a clip at the back of her head. She came up beside him and offered a friendly smile, "Hi,"

"Hello," He greeted back, turning and beginning to plate the food. Rey could only search the kitchen for clues on what prompted this treatment when she eyed the wine, and then the glasses on the island. Was this supposed to be a romantic dinner? Her eyes widened some in surprise, she'd never had that sort of thing with Kylo, and given their recent discussion earlier that day, she didn't think they were that far along together to participate in the things other couples did. Of course, that meant they were a couple, comparing her situation to those who had done this before.

Rey blushed as Kylo prompted her to take a seat, killing some of the lights in the apartment and drawing up the blinds to the city, rain softly bleating against the glass panes, city lights painting the water in exciting colors of red, yellow, and green. She didn't know what to say, or how to go about starting a conversation, so she brandished her knife and cut into the food with care, moaning as it melted over her tongue, coating it in flavor, "I'm telling you Kylo, you could become a chef with this food," He gives her a polite smile before he starts his own intended conversation with her, "What are your plans for the future?" It sounded oddly professional coming from him and Rey paused,

"That's a pretty loaded question," She chewed in thought, brows furrowing, "I guess I'll keep working for the office, I like what I do for the city, maybe I'll get a dog or something down the road,"

"No," Kylo said softly smiling at her answer, "I mean your dreams, what would you like your future to be?"

"Oh," Rey blushed, she had never divulged in this to anyone, much less been asked, she had put a lot of thought into it once, but lately, she was so caught up in the routine she had made for herself that she didn't seek any change. She offered a one shouldered shrug, "Honestly, I couldn't tell you, I haven't thought too much about it, I take each day as it comes it's always easier that way,"

"No hopes and dreams you wish to acquire?" Kylo took a sip of the wine, savoring it for a moment as Rey considered his question,

"I wanted a lot of things, to become head engineer at some fancy college in Naboo, to learn how to fly a jet, even for commercial purposes, I wanted to travel the world mostly, but above all, growing up the way I did, I wanted a family," She blushed at her confession, quickly adding, "But I have what I need now, no use in wanting for more," Kylo gave her a look of consideration, the last bit made him want to shake her, because he wanted to be the one to give her those things, the ability to travel the world, give her a family. There was a thought, having a family with Rey. Would she even consider it the way he did? He looked down at his plate and took a few bites of his meal, weighing his words carefully, "What about in business, would you have your own?"

"Oh no, too much legal stress that I have to swim through, besides, I'd be content having an at home workshop, I'd probably build it myself if I ever upgraded from this place,"

"When the time comes then, I'll help you move,"

"Thanks," Rey said with a fond smile, sipping her wine, "But I won't move unless I need to, this is a good spot for work with distance and price, I'm not scraping by, but I'm not looking for a house either," Her mind thought of the suburbs of Poe's household, and she smiled against the glass, she couldn't imagine herself the way she was now with a big house like that, what could she hang on the walls? Kylo gazed at her from across the counter, something swimming in those dark eyes of his, and she met it with an equally considering look. His lips parted, "Rey, I…" He paused, the words he had wanted to say earlier that day were still fresh on his mind, instead he thought of his encounter with Maz, "I met an old friend today,"

"Oh? How did that go?" Her eyes lit up with fascination as he continued,

"I've known her for a while, she'd been old as long as I've been alive," Rey laughs good naturedly at the comment and smiles at him behind her wine, "She swindled me into getting this, and I'm not sure it's a bad thing,"

"What is it?" Her curiosity was thick in her tone, her eyelashes fluttering as he stood and approached her, he stood behind her, his chest to her back as he leaned over her neck, pressing his lips there and placing the silver chain around her wrist. He stepped back from her as she spun in place, staring at him with wide innocent eyes, "Kylo I..." She let out a breath and stared at the no doubt expensive jewelry around her wrist, unsure of what to say, "You got this for me?"

"Do you like it?" His voice was a warm rumble, and she looked at him again, then back down at her wrist. She didn't know what to think, it was incredibly sweet of him, and uncalled for, she didn't feel she deserved it. She almost thought of asking him to return it, she was a simple woman, not someone from Kylo's upper class. But then she imagined what it was like for him, possibly tripping over his own words trying to pick this out for her, and the thought that he had put behind getting her something was enough to satisfy her.

She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, "It's beautiful," It glinted in the dim lighting of the house, "I feel like I should get you something in return, this dinner, this gift,"

"I felt you deserved it, I wanted to see how beautiful it would look on you," Rey blushed and held her breath, it was a high compliment, stating that the jewelry was nothing spectacular on its own, that she was what made it beautiful. She was standing before Kylo in a moment, silent and staring up at the dark eyes that no longer threatened to eat her like they once did, but instead pinned her with a warmth that made her fall into his chest, embracing him.

They cleaned up dinner quietly, comfortable in their silence so contrasted from the yelling their relationship had formed from. Rey did the dishes as Kylo returned to the room, showering off the rain from the day and mentally preparing for tomorrow. In the morning he would return to Maz and give his two cents, and then, he would take Rey to the fair and the parade for valentine's day.

Suddenly the door to the bathroom opened, and Kylo paused in washing his hair. He tired to listen for Rey's footfalls over the water but to no avail, he closed his eyes and rinsed the soap suds from his hair, feeling a gust of cool air to his side before he became warm again. He washed the soap from his face just as arms snaked around his body slowly, fingertips trailing up and down over his hips, abdomen and chest, then over his shoulders and down his back.

Kylo turned, finding Rey in the nude behind him, a soft blush on her cheeks as she daringly continued touching him. He watched with dark eyes and she dipped closer and closer to where he was prominently showing, he'd seen her naked before, but seeing her in the light with water running down her bare and flushed body with steam between them was something else entirely.

Then Rey grabbed a sponge and soap and gently scrubbed his skin, washing him with care and attention, placing a kiss here, a kiss there, a teasing touch every so often. He almost growled when she pressed her body flush to his that she might reach around and wash down his happy trail, a place she had purposefully been avoiding. Then she did it, her palm slick and smooth against his hardened member, fingers teasing and testing and pushing the boundaries of his patience not to push her against the wall and take her.

He needed her lips, he decided after a few slow teasing pumps, and swiftly turned in her arms, wrapping his own arms around her small body and pressing fevered kisses over her face and lips. She smiled at him, sliding her fingers through his hair, the sponge and task at hand forgotten, she was now focused on him and the little things he was doing with his hands that made her body respond in full. They were out of the shower and rolling playfully in the bed, wet and hot and eager to please.

The night ended with Kylo watching her body move on top of him, her slender yet compact figure doing things to him with his only allowance to watch. The curve on her spine, and the fullness of her thighs and ass made his release come even faster, she rode out every hard buck into her with gentle movements and shivered on top of him soon after. Soft gasps falling from her lips before she moved off of him and curled into his side.

Kylo woke up first, the early morning for once clear, and surprisingly warm against their bare skin. He was on his side, gazing down at the perfect messy hair of Rey as she slept soundly, her face pressing softly against his chest, a thin pool of drool staining the pillow. Her bare freckled shoulders exposed to the caress of the morning sun and Kylo Ren. She was spent from the night before and likely catching sleep she hadn't gotten in the last few days, something about a weird pressure in her chest and a nagging in her mind.

He kissed her shoulder and let his nose rest against her temple, this was perfect, if he could wake up every morning like this, next to Rey, then he would be fulfilled, a happy man. She still wore the bracelet he got from Maz, the silver chain almost hidden under her chocolate tendrils of hair. Almost against his will, Kylo removed himself from the bed, the warmth of Rey snuggled into his side, his heart broke a little with the smile on his face when she made a sleepy noise of protest at his absence. Kylo smoothed back her hair and kissed her temple again, moving for the bathroom where he got dressed for the day.

In the kitchen, Kylo made her a warm cup of cocoa and a bottle of water and set it on the bedside table in the room. Glancing at the sleeping form of Rey before he left for Maz's. The old woman was just opening up shop when he arrived, she gave him a pleased and almost coy smile before letting him in and getting him some tea, "I knew you'd be back,"

"Did you now?" Kylo asked, just to humor her, because Maz was an interesting character when she was cocky, she made a huff as if she couldn't be wrong, "So what did she say?" She raised a brow that almost disappeared under the edge of her knitted beanie, "It was beautiful,"

"Hmm," Maz stuck out a lip, "How long have you known this girl?"

"A year now, but we only just decided to get back together,"

"Ah, you have history, you left that out Kylo Ren," Kylo almost gaped, how could he be blamed for her decision at the piece of jewelry, "No matter, when a man has eyes like you do she'd always graciously accept a gift," He was puzzled by her first statement, but couldn't ask about it, as the woman had already disappeared behind a curtain, returning shortly afterward with a bag. She climbed up on the stool and placed it on the case, Kylo glanced at it warily before grabbing it at Maz's raised brows, a beat passed, and then, "I can't give her this!"

"Why not?"

"Because, it's-"

"I know what it is, and I know she'll like it," Maz seemed so sure of herself that it made Kylo question his own resolve, he sighed, staring at the bag with disdain and hope. The conflicting emotions making his head swim, he sighed and took the bag. More importantly, its contents. Maz smiled as if she had won a long and arduous battle, "You bring her by after you give her this, I want to see this woman Kylo," He nodded and left without another word.

Rey wasn't in the kitchen when he got back, so he took this chance to hide the bag until he could get over his own conflicted feelings about it. If he wasn't sure about something like that, he knew Rey would be against it completely. She came out of the bathroom when he had closed the closet door, he looked at her, ready to greet her with a swoop into his arms when he took in the frazzled hair and pale complection, "Rey,"

"Good morning Kylo,"

"What happened?" He asked her softly, standing in front of her now, noticing that she put on a shirt too large to be her own. She shook her head and offered a smile, eyes not quite focusing on him but over his shoulder, "Thanks for the cocoa and the water, it was a nice surprise,"

"Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," She said, her eyes finally gaining some clarity as she lifted her chin to behold him, "Just feeling a little off," Kylo frowned in concern, "My head hurts," She further elaborated, Kylo took her by the upper arms and squeezed softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "Get ready then, we go to the fair today before the parade tomorrow, wear something warm, it could get cold later, I'll go make some breakfast," He kissed her again and turned for the door, her frail and shaking voice stopped him, "Kylo?"

"Yes?" He turned to her, she paused,

"... Thank you," He furrowed his brows slightly for a moment, unsure of her off behavior, but looking forward to spending the day with her. He had much on his mind thanks to Maz, and he was afraid to even bring it up with Rey. He prepared snacks and checked the contents of his wallet when Rey walked out. She was beautiful, Kylo's eyes widened a fraction and his breath stalled in his chest, she was wearing a cream colored button down with a necklace that trailed to the open neckline, dipping down far enough to see the top of her white bra, her hair was still frizzy but combed to the side and tucked behind one ear, her jeans were a light blue, and hugging her in places that ought to be left to the imagination.

Kylo gave her a smile, "You look beautiful," She blushed, her freckled face turning a nice shade of red as she grabbed a white coat from the closet. In that moment, Kylo was reminded of just how lucky he was to have Rey, such a beautiful and strong person, someone who made her own path in a life of many directions. Gingerly, Kylo reached out for her, fingers spread in a request for her hand, Rey glanced at it and then up to him, slowly slipping her palm against his, "Shall we?"

"Yes," They left for the fair soon afterward, catching a taxi downtown to the old district which was Rey's favorite part of the city, the buildings were ancient and the land was more parks than buildings or streets, to go when everything was blooming was one of her most treasured things to do. She thought for a moment of taking Kylo when the trees returned to their flourish of green, imagining him in his black business suit among children running around in a park, going home covered in pollen. She smiled softly to herself, the thought fading and instead being taken up by the streamers and balloons down the main road to the old district.


	8. Chapter 8

Her eyes were wide as they got out of the taxi, taking in the sight. Kylo pulled her along the sidewalk, setting pace for an easy stroll as they gazed into shop windows and were lured inside by the smell of baked goods, essential oils, or interesting merchandise. The day was filled with mirth, couples and store hands were all friendly. Kylo spent most of his time watching Rey and the blooming look of wonder on her face, the easy tug of fascination on her lips, and the way her eyes would squint in amusement.

Meanwhile, the contents of Maz's gift edged to the forefront of his mind on occasion, he worried for Rey's reaction to it as the day went on, the lower the sun dipped in the sky, the more he became uncertain of her time with him and whether or not it would be prolonged. In his heart however, as the day went on, he knew that his own issues with it could be easily resolved and that when the time came, there would be no lingering questions in his mind.

Suddenly, Rey had stopped walking beside him her eyes wide and taking in the glass window beside her. Kylo shot her a questioning look following her eyes before he too, fell enamored with the sight. Doxen puppies were playing and sleeping in a large reinforced plastic box, one of them wagging its noodle tail at Rey, staring right at her with those big brown eyes. Kylo stiffened, "Rey," He wanted to say no, and tore his eyes from the adorable creature but was unable to call her from its lure.

Rey was against the glass now, her breath fogging up the glass as she pressed her palm to it, tracing her finger in front of the puppy, playing with it and cooing words at it in a tone he'd never heard from her before. He'd lost her, because she giggled and looked back at him with puppy eyes of her own, "Rey," Kylo said with exasperation, his shoulders falling when she bit her lip with a silent plea, "Who's taking care of it tomorrow?"

"We can bring it with us, please Kylo?"

"What will you feed it?"

"Puppy food," She was pouting now, and he was losing this battle, they stared at each other for a moment, the yaps of the puppies through the glass faint in their stare down. Kylo relented, shoulders falling and his brows furrowing, "Alright Rey," She shot into the air, giggling and throwing her arms around him peppering kisses along his jawline. She disappeared into the store right after, excitedly waving at an employee and pointing at the box by the window. Kylo watches as Rey lifts up the animal with care and adoration, holding it by her face as it leans over and excitedly licks her from her nose to her ear as she squints her nose and turns her head.

Rey also purchases a collar, a white threaded band and gets the name engraved on a dog bone shaped tag, the whole time she's grinning and laughing. Kylo suddenly feels strange, as if this was all he had been doing before, standing on the outside of her life looking in, even while they were together and he questioned why.

Rey came out of the shop holding a very excited puppy the closer she got to Kylo, she grinned and held it out to him. Kylo paused, hands open and wary as the creature was placed in his grasp, "It's warm," Rey smiled at him,

"I named him Bastian Bennet, or BB for short," Kylo looked at the now named dog and sighed, bringing it close to his chest and tucking it in his arm, "Good choice Rey," He finds himself saying, looking at BB and then at her. Rey smiles and gives him a quick peck on the lips, turning and kissing the dogs head as well, "We should head back home, it's getting dark," Kylo nodded, passing the dog to Rey before heading inside the store where he bought a leash, food for puppies, bowls, bathroom mats, and assorted toys.

Rey had hailed a taxi and was ready to go when he walked out, they got home safely and nearly glowing at the idea of a puppy. They were walking up the stairs to Rey's appeartment when she stopped short, her eyes on the sight at her door. A pile of flowers, candy cases and cards littered the entrance to her house, taking up a good chunk of the hallway in the process, "Secret admirers?"

"Most likely my coworkers," She bent down and gave Kylo a rather nice view, if not on purpose, and picked up one of the cards, instantly recognizing Poe's handwriting. They entered the building easily, Rey undressed and put the puppy on the ground, watching as it wiggled around the apartment.

When everything was set up and the excitement of the day caught up with both of them, Kylo was left alone to his thoughts as Rey went through her evening routine of a shower and checking the house. His eyes fell on the closet, and then on the puppy waddling around the place. He worried suddenly that all together he would never truly be good enough for Rey, and it ate at him. Kylo's mind gave way to their arguments, the nature of them, how accurate her words were to describe him while in the past, all he'd done to dispute them was to call her awful things.

Rey stepped out of the shower and into the kitchen, wearing a robe he didn't know she owned, she was blushing, as if she didn't purchase the cream colored silk on her own. He admired the low neck line, the slenderness of her shoulders, the femininity of her neck and face. She was a sight to behold and another reason why Kylo was feeling so intrusive on her life. Rey stalked closer, eyes growing darker with want and her lip caught between her teeth as she crawled into his lap on the couch, placing her small hands on his shoulders, leaning in and kissing him slowly.

As much as Kylo wanted her, and how much he was falling into the palm of her hand, he ruined it, "Do you need me here?" She paused, unsure for a moment before leaning back on her haunches, her brows furrowed in confusion. Her hands were splayed open on Kylo's chest, and he wished that they could just stay that way, "What do you mean?"

"Do I make you happy?"

"Where's this coming from?" She seemed concerned, cupping his face when he looked away from her, he wanted to shrug and act like he wasn't paving the way to his own self destruction, "I'm not sure that I'm what's good for your future Rey,"

"Who are you to decide what's good for me?" She was sassy, but not angry with him, she smiled, "Kylo, we agreed that we'd take it a day at a time, no labels, just honesty, be honest with me,"

"I want to leave the law firm, I'm not happy there, I never truly was," He blurted suddenly, seemingly off topic, Rey's brows raised from their scrunching,

"Why?"

"I've found something more fulfilling for the moment," She went quiet, staring at him,

"Kylo, don't quit because of me,"

"It's not just you Rey, and it's not a bad thing, I'm just a tool of expertise to that company, I don't want it anymore. They paint me as their face in the media and because of it, I've changed as a person, people view me differently, I don't want that, I want to be seen as me," He felt like he was blabbering, talking nonsense when a beautiful woman was naked on his lap and practically dripping with want. In that moment, realizing those things made Kylo feel even more insignificant, "You deserve a man Rey, I'm not sure I make the cut,"

"What is a man?" She asked him with a straight face, he gave her a look, "I'm serious Kylo, what could make you more of a man than owning up to your past mistakes? What could make you more of a man than turning your life around for the better, than starting over?"

"But I haven't really started over, I've just invaded your life because I can't stand mine," It was a confession she had many words for. She took a breath, "Is that how you feel about this?" She wagged a finger between them, and Kylo froze, afraid that he had messed up in that sentence. He nodded anyway, because she had demanded honesty, "Kylo you haven't invaded my life, I was on a constant loop of coming back to an empty apartment every night and falling asleep wishing for something more, the most interesting thing that happened to me was the choice of either pizza or chinese for dinner," He cracked a smile, she gave him one back and kissed his lips.

Kylo placed his hands on her thighs and ass, looking up at her and feeling a little better, "I do need to start over, every time I look at you I'm afraid of losing you, and that's the first step in becoming the monster I was to you,"

"I'm not leaving Kylo, I'm yours," Her words poured into him and warmed his soul. A beat of comfortable silence passed and Rey moved to rest against him, choosing not to seduce but to relax with him on the sofa, "What will you do if you're not working?"

"I might find another job, but I don't need one, I've got too much money,"

"You hardly spend it,"

"I have everything I need," He looked down at her meaningfully, she smiled and blushed up at him,

"Seriously Kylo, you can't just hang out here all day, when's the last time you went to your apartment?"

"Almost a week now,"

"See, you spend too much time with me, and you'd be miserable here alone,"

"Not alone, I have Bastian Bennet over there, he needs someone to take care of him while you're at work," His eyes squinted at her playfully, "I can sit on my laptop all day and pursue another degree if need be,"

"Right Kylo, because people go to online colleges and get degrees when they're bored," She smiled and shook her head, gazing up at him and realizing just how comfortable she had gotten around him. The fluttering of anticipation and nervousness that had once been present around him had been digested and discarded, this was a man she trusted, someone she would be happy to come home to. She sighed happily and laced their fingers together, "Seriously Kylo,"

"I was thinking of starting a business," Rey's eyebrows rose,

"A business?" Her voice was one of intrigue, "Do tell,"

"I wanted to hatch out plans first and get blueprints started, figure out the funding, it's really all in the air right now, I wanted to talk to you first,"

"Talk to me? Kylo you don't need my approval," Rey smiled at him encouragingly, but it fell away at the conflicted look on his face, "What's wrong?"

"I was thinking, and you can say no, but I was thinking we could work together, own the business and run it... Together." Rey stared openly at him, eyes widening slightly at the realization,

"What?" She sat up, scooting over to tuck her legs under her, "A business? Run by us?"

"It sounds like a lot but its really simple, I could handle all the business side of it, legal stuff, crunching numbers, all the interpersonal connection stuff, and the rest could be up to you,"

"I wouldn't even know where to start Kylo, this is a lot to take in," She tucked her hair behind her ear, Kylo gave her a considering look,

"You said you wanted to build a workshop when you got a bigger place down the road, why not turn it into a business?"

"I was talking about fixing engines, mechanical stuff, broken phones and simple things for fun, not… not this,"

"What's wrong with the idea?"

"Nothing!" She was quick to deflect, "It's just very, intimidating," Kylo stared at her with dark consuming but comforting eyes, he pulled her over to his chest, arm around Rey's shoulders as he kissed her hair, "You don't have to answer now, just think about it, but no matter what you say, I'll support you,"

"I'm afraid,"

"You're comfortable with your routine, but understand that life will never happen to you, you have to make change happen," She nodded slowly against him. The night fell away into comfortable silence and playing with BB, who had at this point thoroughly explored the area. Eventually they all moved to the bedroom, where sleep came easily for both of them, when words of endearment and gentle caresses were exchanged.


	9. Chapter 9

When Kylo woke up the next morning, Rey was already in the shower. The discussion they had last night came to the forefront of his mind and Kylo lay back in the pillows, worried that he was too forward with her. A wet sensation against his fingers made him look down, the puppy BB that they had gotten the day before was wiggling excitedly, incentive for Kylo to get up and get dressed, the puppy needed to learn how to take a walk.

Rey came out already dressed, a hazy look on her face when she stopped and noticed Kylo putting a coat on, "Where are you going?"

"Taking Bastian out for a walk," Kylo answered, shooting her a glance before stepping closer and kissing her cheek, "Good morning,"

"Morning," Kylo left then, carrying the excited noodle down the three flights of stairs, setting him down and walking very slowly to the nearby grass area, watching as the dog sniffed everything before rolling in the slowly reviving grass. It didn't take long for the small thing to get too excited and hurriedly find the perfect place to take a leak. Kylo then trudged back up the stairs, holding a much calmer dog, and back into the apartment.

Rey sat at the island, eating honey toast when they came in, "Kylo," The man in question lifted his head, she finished chewing, "We should get your stuff today, I don't work tonight," Kylo stared at her poised on the island stool holding toast, she looked beautiful today, and sounded very assertive. Kylo gave her a smirk, "You're coming with me then?"

"Who else is helping you move in?" She gave him a smirk of her own, Kylo's eyes lit up, it was the first time she verbally or directly told him he was to move in with her. He stood and walked swiftly over to her, placing a solid kiss on her honey coated lips, he could eat her she was so sweet. Unfortunately, they had plans for the day, and he could not ravage her in now their bedroom all day like he wanted to. Kylo pulled back and squeezed her butt for good measure.

They were off to Kylo's apartment a few minutes following, Kylo already having boxes ordered to pack what he needed. In honesty, the only thing he needed was a suitcase of his most prized things. In that time, he had snagged Maz's gift for a reason he couldn't explain.

Rey stared up at the building which was supposed to hold his home. It was a dark towering almost skyscraper that clawed darkly into the early morning sky. The black window panes reflected images perfectly, allowing Rey to take in a distorted image of her white clad self. She took a step back from it, unnerved by the nature of this building.

Kylo slid his fingers into hers, pressing their palms together to comfort the uncertain look on her face, "Corporate building," He supplied and led her inside the lobby for luxury flats, while Rey couldn't deny that it was in fact luxurious, with the marble and dark granite pillars and flooring, there was still something impossibly empty and cold about the place. They passed a woman at the front desk on the way to the elevator, a woman who exchanged a look with Rey that said something about Kylo. That the woman perhaps felt smug she knew where he lived, or perhaps she assumed Rey was another one night stand for Kylo Ren.

They ascended the elevator to the top floor, where Kylo gingerly led her down the hall to his black door. He typed in a pass code to the side panel, Rey didn't know apartments like that existed, and he took her in his practically abandoned place.

It was everything she thought a bachelor pad should be, a killer view of the city, nice countertops and expensive furniture, and so lonely. There was a huge lack of personal effects in the place, and while the black and red accents looked nice, it left the room feeling oddly, paralyzing.

Kylo opened his mouth to speak as he found the pile of unfolded boxes, both of them beginning to gather what could be considered personal items like paperwork, folders and books on a shelf that might have sentimental value. Kylo was kind enough to pack kitchen supplies like a rolling pin and whisk.

Both of them having concentrated fun when a sound stopped both of them. Kylo put a finger to his lips and moved silently toward the source, which was slightly terrifying given his height. He rounded the corner and lunged, a scuffle could be heard and several yelps and gasps, Rey ran and grabbed a curtain rod, preparing to smack the shit out of someone if they came around the corner.

Kylo rounded the corner, lifting a hand and snapping his palm around the rod that Rey brought down, the sound loud against the furious huffing from a gentleman stuck in a headlock from Kylo. She eyed him curiously, and Kylo released him, allowing the man to fall forward and stumble. They watched as he let out several grumbles and patted imaginary dust from his well ironed clothing, "For heaven's sake Ren, you don't just strangle someone," He chatsized, his voice thick with venom and distaste, he had a faint accent, but Rey couldn't place from where. Kylo looked unimpressed and irritated, his shoulders tense and guarded, a glare made up his expression, and Rey suddenly felt sorry for the red head, "What are you doing here Armitage?"

"It's Hux to _you_ Ren, and I'll have you know _I was_ the one to deliver your precious boxes, God it's no wonder you needed them, this place is in desperate need of spring cleaning," Rey no longer felt sorry for the snob named Hux, and wished that he instead had rounded the corner, that she might have whacked him across the head.

Then the pasty mans attention turned to Rey, as if he just noticed she'd been standing there. He squinted and gave her an obvious once over, his lips twitching into a half snarl half frown, his straight nose wrinkling as if she were shit on his boots, "Picked another one up from the alley Ren? God what a dreadful habit, and they seem to be getting worse every time, this one's no better than a common desert rat," He said with more dignity and arrogance than what was healthy, Rey almost laughed at him, purely out of malice, but she didn't put too much energy into caring because she knew he was all talk and probably 80 pounds soaking wet.

Kylo however was shaking with anger, his fists were clenched so hard his knuckles were white, and if looks could kill, maintenance would be scraping Hux off the fine wood flooring. Kylo was speechless with rage, and Hux took that as a que to continue in his insults, "Hard to believe you left Gwendolyn for someone so shabby, honestly Ren where do you find these women, in a drug rehab center?" Rey saw Kylo shift just a centimeter, and her hand flew to his wrist,

"Gwendolyn?" She found herself saying, freezing Kylo and adding more fuel to the fire, Hux's blue eyes glinted icily in his skull, he was so thin it practically poked out of his skin, "You don't tell any of your conquests of Gwen? Shame on you Ren, but I suppose being such a bachelor you can't find the time to value past relationships," His eyes stayed locked onto Rey, "Gwendolyn Christie Phasma, Kylo's most recent girlfriend, a real one anyway, the relationship lasted 3 fiery months of passion and power the most infamous company in the face of the media, until Kylo dropped her like old news and never looked back," Hux's eyes narrowed menacingly on Kylo, whose face had darkened considerably with the promise of pain, "But there's no telling how many _whores_ you've had in your bed since, is there _Ren_?"

"You have 3 seconds to get the fuck out of my flat," Hux's eyebrows raised, contorting his face in wrinkles that somehow made him even more unappealing, he shook his head in a crooked and jerky fashion, unnatural and mechanical, "It's a shame what you have become, nothing more than a broken man with daddy issues," Hux had spit the words, enjoying the enraged expression that Rey could not see on Kylo's face.

She had acted without thinking, closing the gap between them, her fist connecting with the mans face and sending him to the floor. Then it connected again, and again, and she was on top of him beating his perfectly gross face into the ground. Rey was doing him a favor really, his complexion too white to be healthy, a bit of red was good. Good on the lips, nose and cheeks.

Rey didn't register the words that she had cursed and spit at the man called Hux, nor did she hear the shocked shouting from Kylo. She only felt his strong arms encase her and lift her off the unconscious asshole. Rey stood panting and gaining clarity against Kylo's chest, her hands wet with blood that was not her own. Suddenly Kylo took her by the shoulders and looked at her with wide concerned eyes, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah why?" She said gaining her breath,

"I didn't know his words affected you so much, I should have been the one to put the lights out," Rey stared at him for a moment, not understanding that he was concerned because of the allegations of womanizing against him, she shook her head slowly, "No Kylo, I don't care about that,"

"What? You don't care?"

"Should I?" She asked, raising her brows playfully, "Are you still fucking them?"

"No," He said firmly, looking slightly appalled at the thought,

"Then there's no problem,"

"Then why did you…" Kylo's eyes drifted over her shoulder to the man lying in a bloody mess on his expensive hardwood, "He insulted you, you're not broken, and you certainly don't have daddy issues," Kylo could only stare at the woman, he'd known she was a spitfire in words, but never physically, he'd assumed her physical sparing days were over as soon as she moved to the city. The ache in his hand and Hux was proof of otherwise.

Rey stood up on her toes and pressed a soft kiss to his chin before she turned and walked toward the box on the kitchen counter, grabbing the tape and pulling it over the flaps. She heard Kylo come up behind her, "Lets get your stuff and go home," The next hour went by smoothly, Kylo shooting inquisitive glances at Hux's limp body every so often, perhaps worried that she had killed the fool. Rey had forgotten to wash the blood off and ended up having to scrape the dried crust from her knuckles in the sink.

They left what was Kylo's past in the dark, getting in what was Kylo's car parked in the underground garage and driving back. Rey starting an easy conversation about mechanics and the nuances of his powerful car engine. When they got back to the apartment, BB had figured out the puppy pads in the corner of the kitchen, and he was very happy to see them.

As they set the boxes down, Rey went to the kitchen to grab what could be used as a box cutter. Kylo watched her walk confidently, enjoyed the way her body swayed and her femininity, the way her hair curled and fell past her shoulders. His heart grew warm and beat harder in his chest when he looked at her, the room always getting a little brighter, she was easily the light in his life. He had to tell her.

Rey came back with a knife, setting it down on the box and sitting on the ground next to him, her eyes flicking up to meet his with a silent question, "Rey," Kylo's voice was deep, burly and soft, gripping Rey with a strange sensation that made her full attention shift to him, "Yes Kylo?"

"I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

Rey was frozen on the spot, her body tensed and her spine straightened, her eyes wide and glossy, quickly growing full with unshed tears. She looked like she had been slapped, she felt like she actually had been. Her fingers tightened in her lap, gripping the fabric of her pants, her voice just barely above a whisper, "You what?" It came out strangled and stuck in her throat, Kylo's eyes grew dark with worry, but his words were as sure as the first time, "I love you, Rey," She felt like running away, her face grew hot with emotion and her chest swelled with held breath, she didn't know what to say or how to feel.

He had never said anything like that before, and even words of affection like calling her beautiful were rare. Never before in their past had he even come close to saying such a thing. The thought of Kylo Ren loving her made her head grow light, he was a man of many women, not just one, to her, he was forbidden from saying those words.

The impulse to throw her head back and laugh was heavy in her mind, but heavy drops of water over her cheeks erased that sensation. Suddenly Kylo was in front of her on his knees, cupping her face and whipping her tears, she wanted to recoil, to flinch away from his concerned caresses, then his voice came, "If you don't feel the same, that's okay," No it wasn't, she didn't know what to feel, here was a man that just put his heart on the table and she was speechless like an idiot.

Kylo's voice again, a soft smile, "I won't say it anymore if you don't want me to, but you need to know that I love you,"

"No that's not-" She stopped herself with a hiccup, her eyes locked on his, what was it then? She was frantic in her search for answers, once again in her life thrown off by Kylo Ren. His confession changed everything in her mind, she could no longer view him the same way. How could she when she was so afraid of the future and what this meant for them.

She found herself shaking her head, trying to mouth the words out and losing her voice, Kylo was up getting her a bottle of water from the kitchen. How did she feel about Kylo Ren? In the week that they had been together again he was certainly a different person than what she remembered, he was softer, kinder, his words were filled with a conviction and honesty that few held. The way he held her and kissed her, even when they were arguing made her feel wanted. Then, the way Kylo looked at her, as though she was his world, and he wanted not to rule it, but to nurture and love it.

She knew that whenever their eyes met after he had been staring at her from across the room, her chest and face grew warm. That when she fell asleep in his arms, she felt safe, and when she woke up to him in the morning, she felt a lightness in her chest that made her want to snuggle into his more. His heat was a comfort, his words a deep pur in her ears. That sex was more than that, with the words they shared and the careful touches. She felt connected to him in a way she never felt with anyone else. Was that love?

Her silence had tamed the hope on Kylo's face, and he nodded with a sudden sadness that made her heart hurt, but she couldn't make herself answer him. Instead Rey turned to the box, now holding a new meaning than simply moving Kylo in. It meant this was the first step in a possible future with together, Rey wasn't sure she was ready for that, she was still young, she didn't need to buy a house and settle down, there was a life she wanted to live.

Rey closed her eyes, gripping the knife, Kylo's confession didn't mean she had to do those things, chances were Kylo never wanted something like that. She helped him unpack silently, setting things up where he instructed, and breaking down the boxes, throwing them out and taking BB to the grass that Kylo had earlier.

Later, after they had eaten ordered pizza and showered separately, Kylo hard already debated on sleeping on the couch or joining Rey in the bed. She was laying there alone, staring at his side of the bed, wondering if he would join her, despite her unsureness earlier, she wanted him by her side, she felt selfish.

Suddenly the door opened behind her, the soft light of the kitchen flooding in and casting a shadow over the window, then the light went off and the door closed. She listened as he walked around the bed, bumping into the edge and letting out a silent curse of unexpected pain, before he lifted the sheets and crawled in, facing her in the darkness, surprised that she was awake.

They stared at each other in the dim light of the moon, breath quiet and bodies warm as Rey scooted closer, Kylo's arm draping softly over her waist, she held her breath, looking at him with wide innocent eyes. Then her lips moved, and she whispered, "I love you too,"

Kylo kissed her then, it wasn't passionate, it wasn't consuming, it was soft and careful, a request for her to return the same tenderness that he was giving. Her hand drifted up his neck and to his cheek, softly rubbing her thumb back into the curls of his hair, eyes falling shut as she continued to kiss him back just as gentle.

Kylo's hands moved to explore her soft and warm body, squeezing her tender thighs and butt, massaging and caressing her back and arms, pulling her closer, and melding her body to his chest. Rey kissed his chin then, moving to his jaw, both his cheeks and nose, and then his forehead, between the eyes and letting her lips linger there. The heaviness of sleep clouding her thoughts as she moved down to tuck her face against his chest and chin, falling asleep to his scent and heart beat.

It happened a few short weeks later, Rey was back at work, ever being the star employee, pushing hard to reach her invisible goals and exceed those of her boss, Mrs. Organa. She was on her way up to the board meeting to finally deliver her project to the very important individuals responsible for campaign funding and travel.

Something in her chest fluttered, squeezed and fell to the pit of her stomach, she lurched, emptying her stomach and clutching her precious manila folder to her chest. Tears stung her eyes as she continued to dry heave onto the shiny tile of the elevator.

The doors slid open with a pleasant ding, but she couldn't register it through the panic shooting through her brain. She should have known, she should have paid attention! Her body trembled and she felt someone rush in and cradle her, soft hands brushed her hair from her face as she continued to gag and struggle to breathe.

Mrs. Organa rescheduled the meeting as soon as she found out, and they were both sitting in her office with a nurse checking on her employee. Rey was hollow, and horrified, her face was blank and pale, and her eyes lacked clarity. Inside her heart was hammering against her chest, her fingers trembling, her mind turning in on itself. How would Kylo react?

She was given a stick, and she stared down at it menacingly, hate and fear swelling in her chest and she screamed in the bathroom, throwing it. It wasn't the end of the world, it wasn't! She sobbed and fell into a heap against the wall, glaring at the two lined test with mixed emotions and dark eyes.

She knew how he would react, he'd be horrified, and just as afraid as she was, but he would be the calm one, the one who would take her by the shoulders and crush her to his chest. Kylo would insist on being sure, and he would dote on her constantly, even more so than usual.

Not Rey though, she would stare into the bathroom mirror and question everything. She was so young, she didn't know the first thing about this, she never had anyone to teach her. When Rey left the bathroom, it was dark out, and her boss was waiting anxiously for her answer. She mustered as much energy as she could to breathe out the words, "It's positive,"

"Oh sweetheart, Rey," Mrs. Organa enveloped Rey into the gentlest and warmest hug she'd ever received, she tried not to cry, "Do you know who-"

"Yes," Mrs. Organa regarded her for a moment, grey eyes old and knowing, she nodded then, voice soft, "It's your choice Rey, remember that,"

Kylo was in the kitchen, the burners on and something was sizzling, his spatula scraping at something. Rey stood outside their door silently, filled with animosity and curiosity, fear licked at her chest and she felt tears surface, she needed to tell him. She inserted the keys slowly, listening to the lock click out of place and she pushed the door open, what would he say? Would he notice?

She froze, her eyes wide and filled with tears of shock and pain, at the situation she was in, and at the sight before her. BB ran up to her in frantic waddles, a white bow wrapped around his collar. White candles and lace covered the island, and soft white rose petals decorated the counters. He was still cooking, but he stopped with a flinch when the door closed behind her.

Kylo stared wide eyed at her, was it because she was home early? Was it because he noticed? Kylo stumbled over himself and plated the food quickly, he wiped his hands on the cloth at his waist. He was half dressed, in a button down and black dress pants, his cuffs were messy and his hair unruly, Rey felt like crying at the look of adoration in his dark eyes. How could she tell him?

He was in front of her now, an intensity in his gaze and stance that she hadn't seen in a while, "Rey," His eyes danced across her face, his brows twitching, his hand was in his pocket but it stayed there, "It was supposed to be romantic," She laughed in her chest once, she was so confused, but her heart stopped when he slowly got down on one knee. He began to speak, "I don't know the first thing about what will happen in the future, but an old friend of mine does, she advised that I make you mine before another man got the chance to steal you away." Rey's face was wet again. This was all wrong, she needed to tell him, but her throat was squeezed shut in anticipation.

Kylo pulled a velvet covered box from his pocket, a bag sticking out as well and crinkling when he opened it, "I can't imagine myself without you, and I don't want to think of a life that you're not in, you make me feel complete Rey, in all your beauty and radiance and kindness you pulled me from the darkness when I needed someone, you accepted me for all my flaws and openly cherished all my right doings. I want to be that person for you, I want to be your husband Rey," His eyes were big and hopeful, "Will you be my wife?"

A choked sob escaped her lips, her head bobbing without her permission. Her body flooded with heat and love and life. She felt Kylo engulf her into a crushing hug and smush his lips against hers, it was wonderful, and it was over too soon when he brushed her stomach.

Rey sobered quickly, lip trembling as she resisted letting Kylo adorn her with the ring. He looked up in confusion, worry etched on his features, and then something like realization flooded his face. He cupped her own between his large hands, "Rey what happened?" He had to know. He had that right before he made it official. She squeezed him close, digging her fingers into his back, afraid to let go, afraid of what would happen if she did.

Her voice was a whisper, "Kylo, I'm pregnant,"

Slowly, she felt every muscle in his body tense up. His hands stilled in her hair and against her shoulders and she waited, afraid, ready to run like a deer in headlights. Silence stretched on, and it was heavy, paralyzing her lungs. It was too quiet before he sighed into her hair, "What?"

"I'm going to have a baby, Kylo," She pressed her face harder into his chest and waited, saying the words made it too real, "The nurse said I was already 3 weeks along," He still hadn't said anything, he hardly breathed. His movement was near mechanical when he leaned back to look at her with some struggle. They stared at each other with wide afraid eyes, "Is it mine?" It was a stupid question, he knew that it was his, he just couldn't believe it. She nodded and her eyes closed, she was preparing for the blow of emotion and rejection.

She was not expecting Kylo to laugh and pull her into his arms, "Oh my God Rey, we're having a baby-" He stopped himself in his excitement, hardly giving her time to be relieved, "And… How do you feel about this?"

"How do you?" She wasn't sure, she felt a lot of things, not much of it was pleasant.

"I'm not father material Rey, you know what happened with my family," She nodded slowly, recalling the long nights of phone calls and screaming dinner gatherings. His family history was more than dysfunctional, and she never had one. She could have laughed, how could they have a child together? "But that doesn't mean I have to be like them, Rey, we're individuals, separate from our parents, we aren't doomed to make the same mistakes they did," His hands were cupping her face, his eyes filled with love and reassurance. How was he not scared?

"I am scared," He said, had she said it out loud? She was so overwhelmed, "But I'm excited too, we can talk about what to do next Rey, no matter what you decide, I'm here, if you're not ready for something like this then I understand," His voice was neutral, but she could feel the sad rumble in his chest against her hands. She shook her head, "No one is ever ready for something like this, we take it one step at a time." Kylo kissed her then, hard and slow. It made her melt into his arms.

They did take it one step at a time, Rey was in a white gown she didn't pay a penny for, one that flitted around her shoulders and legs like waves. In her hair were flowers of white blues and grey purples. It only took a couple of months, and she was just showing, but everyone stared at her with awe she'd never felt.

There, just ahead stood Kylo, her dark knight, wearing his black suit and a grin. His eyes shone with tears and he mouthed 'I love you' to her when she stopped before him. Beside her stood Leia Organa, his mother, and her closest friend. Poe and Finn were in the benches a few rows away, both handsome and smiling at her in encouragement. When everything was quiet, and the pastor began to speak, Rey stared up at her almost husband and smiled. How did she get here so quickly? Just a few months ago they were struggling to be perfect for eachother, a year ago they couldn't be in the same room together. Her eyes squinted in a smile when his eyes caught hers. Her chest fluttered in fear for the future, but it was a good kind, one she knew would be an adventure.

When the vows were exchanged and the party going on well after they had left, Rey was lain softly on her back, thin sheets barely covering her from the hungry gaze of her husband. She bit her lip, giggling when he crawled over her and placed ticklish kisses over her body. Lingering on the small bump at her stomach he looked up at her, a smile on his lips, "I love you," Those were the words repeated endlessly that night, soft moans and passionate kisses filled the air.

The first time she felt it was 3 am on a tuesday night, a gentle stir in her womb. Her hand flew to her stomach, a silent gasp on her tongue when it happened again. Her hand shook Kylo's shoulder excitedly, a look of glee on her face, "Rey, what-"

"Shhh," she shushed, taking his hand as his body twisted to face her, his palm rested on her belly button, they waited. It happened again a few minutes later, and Kylo's face lit up, "Wow," Rey bit her lip and nodded.

They agreed not to know the gender, they wanted it to be a surprise, but that didn't keep Rey from proposing names, and Kylo be the one to judge. They were sitting on the couch looking at house brochures when Rey blurted out, "Han,"

"What?" Kylo set down his paper,

"If it's a boy, I want the name to be Han," Kylo made a face, a sad one because of the fate of his father, the man who had that name. Briefly, Kylo wondered what the old man would say, how he would react to having a grandkid, "And for a girl?"

"You get to pick that one," Rey smiled and crossed her legs on the couch, eyes locked on the brochure,

"Padme then,"

"Padme, a pretty name," She nodded slowly, finger idly caressing her bump.

When Rey's water broke, they were in an open house, the realtor chatting excitedly about the yard and large naturally lit rooms. Kylo had been at her side the whole time, squeezing her hand as he pushed 80 in a 35 zone to the hospital. She wasn't screaming yet, but it wasn't pleasant to feel. It was another hour before contractions grew close enough for the doctors she'd been seeing recommended they prepare for delivery. Kylo was asked to sit in the waiting room, and he nearly exploded on the nurse who suggested it. Rey was in that room screaming and they expected him to wait?

For hours, Kylo sat by her side, urging her on with the doctors and calling her beautiful, because even with sweat drenched on her face and hair sticking at odd angles, she was still his wife and light of his life. 9 hours later, Rey was crying and laughing as the doctors revealed something special, twins.

They were quickly wrapped and named with pride, and both were in the arms of their parents. Kylo stared down at the fragile thing in his arms, his heart swilling with unfaltering love and loyalty, he instantly knew he would kill and die for his child. His hand cradled his newborn daughter, his thumb brushing against her tiny tuft of black hair, her hands grasping for his shirt and her blanket at the same time. "You're crying," He looked up, Rey was exhausted, but she had a smile on her face that lit up the room, their son rested on her chest, in her arms.

He laughed, "I didn't realize…."

"I know," She said, her hand reaching out for his, fingers softly brushing and caressing, squeezing reassuringly. He looked down at the gift in his arms, "Is it okay to be scared?"

"I think it's normal," Rey giggled, "Don't worry,"

"I know," Kylo hummed, "One step at a time."

 _"We take it one step at a time, one day at a time, and whatever comes, comes."_

 _Dawn Wells_

* * *

 _I want to take the time to thank all those that have read this story, and taken the time to review and show their love for it. I hope that everyone that read it enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. It was difficult in the beginning with all the angst, and I wanted the relationship between them to flourish from the beginning. Hux was a fun scene to write, mostly because I love him to death. It's been a pleasure._


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